Play-by-Play

Suppose to write about a good book, good movie or good music/song. Still have yet to read, watch or listen to anything remotely new. My books are mostly reprints of things originally released before I was born. A new movie for me is one that comes on DVD. Do you know a family of three cannot go to a movie in this area for much less than $50.

Whatever happened to the dollar theatres? I remember going to the Varsity Theatre on the UofM College Campus and seeing a host of great movies, including Treasure of the Sierra Madre and Young Frankenstein and spending less than $10 for a group of three. Forget that now. I don't even think the theatre's there anymore. But I don't believe there are any more dollar theatres.

I can't afford to buy music anymore. When I hear a song I like I just go to YouTube and listen to it. I don't download it because why waste my disk space. Besides, I'm not sure it's legal, and the last thing I want is to be an example for the millions who actually get away with it. I tend to be a person who gets caught.

So, what am I going to write about? Well, it's not what I thought. (Got to change the title and labels.) I think I will tell you about my friend, Chris.

I met Chris when I was in first grade. He lived next door. His parents owned the house my parents were buying. (The Old House.) This meant Chris was full aware of The Ghost. As I recall, he didn't actually come inside the house that often.

Anyway, years later, after we had graduated from High School, Stephen and I invited Chris to come along on one of our movie nights. Chris was still five foot six. We were going to go all in. Go to the Varsity on campus, and then drive thirty miles to J's Pizza. One of our three favorite pizza hangouts.

The movie showing that night was Young Frankenstein. Believe it or not, Chris has never seen the film, despite it having been regulated to dollar theatres. We knew he'd like it though. Mel Brooks could always make Chris laugh, and Gene Wilder was perfect, as was Peter Boyle.

We got our popcorn, candy bars, chips and sodas and found good seats high and near the center. The theatre wasn't packed, but it was more than half full. What else did college students not interested in getting drunk or risking babies have to do? Study? Maybe one in a hundred.

Well, the movie started and from the first I knew there was going to be trouble. Behind us, and to the right, was the Al Michaels of movie commentary. Whenever anything happened without dialogue, he was right there to let us know what was going on. Chris was at my right elbow. Stephen was to my left.

At first, Chris was only annoyed. Then he began to get real pissed. When he started talking to himself Stephen and I looked at the group of guys who were with the play-by-play announcer. We were outnumbered. Oh, goody!

Finally, Chris could take it no longer. But, to his credit, he refrained from physical contact. Instead, as loud as he could say it, he let out with, "We can do without the play-by-play!"

Silence. (Remember, the commentator only spoke when there was no dialogue.)

Then applause.

I know if Stephen or I had tried that everyone would have turned against us and told us to shut up and watch the movie. With Chris, you listened to him. All five feet six inches.