Sunday, January 18, 2009

Family Disputes

Mother and Daddy had seven children. I would have said "were blessed with" instead of "had" except I'm not sure they always agreed with the term "blessed with". You see, we weren't always obedient and we didn't/don't always get along.

Ranlan and Mickey are the oldest. When they were young they fought. Ranlan was smarter and stronger (at twelve he was able to crush the old steel beer cans in one hand - probably doesn't mean anything to anyone born since they shifted to aluminum cans). Mickey was faster and more clever.

Lynahr and Judayl were next. They were far more devious in their disagreements. Insidious would be a good word. I still remember a car ride in which Daddy stopped and gave Judayl a spanking for hitting/scratching Lynahr. Then he caught Lynahr pinching Judayl on her thigh and Lynahr got it, too. Pinching in hidden places was a favorite tact of Lynahr. Blatant scratching was Judayl's method. I remember watching them get their fingernails clipped more than once.

We youngest were not immune to "sibling rivalry", or whatever one chooses to call the fights between brothers and sisters. Gayanne was probably the least liked, and that shows now in the fact that I don't believe she's spoken with any family member except Mother in the past ten years. She came to see Lynahr in the hospital, but she wouldn't talk to anyone. And when Lynahr died she didn't come to the funeral. She lives in another state, but which I do not know.

Helvie and I used to be close, and we fought as only two close siblings can fight. She was born eleven months after me, and for years they called us "the twins". Our Aunt Cile (Lucille) used to interject herself into our fights only to find us both turn on her. She used to tease us about that.

That was kind of Daddy's approach to resolving our conflicts - when they escalated past what he believed an appropriate level. He would give everyone involved an equal spanking with the belt, thereby uniting the children against a "common enemy". Sometimes it worked. Not always.

What is sad is that there was a time, no matter how angry we got with each other, when each of us would run to aid the others. Even Mickey and Judayl for Gayanne (Judayl and Gayanne have always had the most strained relationship). Now none of the siblings speaks with more than two - three, if Judayl still speaks with Helvie. Three don't speak to any others - unless Helvie speaks with Judayl. Once Daddy died it seemed there was no longer a central place to draw the children together. I don't know. Maybe I'm making more of that than I should. I just know the family blew apart like someone had planted an explosive in our midst.

So, what has all of this cheery news have to do with God and Religion? That is today's topic.

It's just that I was reading Jennifer's blog about recognizing celebrations in schools. If you have never visited Jennifer's blog, I highly recommend it. She has a lot of good things to say, and she says them very well. But I got to thinking about three of the "big" faiths: Islam, Judaism and Christianity. I'm hardly an apoligist for any of them, but if I understand history correctly, they all have at least some basis in a single man: Abraham. I believe they are also the only three which recognize a single god - and no others. I'm probably wrong on that, too.

It's almost like these three faiths are siblings, born of the same father, Abraham, but hating and fearing each other because of differences in their basic approaches to reach God. Each sees the others as threats to their own existence, and so they attack each other - threatening the others' existence. It's self-fulfilling. What's sad is that, when we of these different faiths attack each other because of our faith, God cannot be happy. He can't be.

The God worshipped by these three faiths is, in fact, the same God. My knowledge of Judaism has two sources: part of the Christian Bible comes from the sacred Jewish texts, and a lot of non-Jewish people have a lot to say about what it means to ascribe to Judaism. My knowledge of Islam is even more limited, nearly entirely based on the mis-information of the press. I know it's mis-information because I know nearly everything the press has to say about my faith is completely wrong or taken out of context. So I really know nothing about being a Muslim. Even what I know of my own faith is limited. I have no desire to become an apoligist. I just want to live my faith and not just talk it. According to what I understand of Jesus, that means accepting others and not only acknowledging that God loves them, but understanding why he does. It is this latter understanding which will allow me to develop my own love for people.

My point in all of this would be clear if I could only learn to cease adding extraneous thought. I can't seem to help it. I'm a blabber. But of all the world's faiths, it seems Islam, Judaism and Christianity are the ones most likely to be at odds with each other. Which is just stupid, considering we worship a common God. (I mean the same God, not that God is common.) This means we should be the three faiths most likely to get along. But we don't. Maybe what we need is for God to step down and give us all a spanking and tell us to knock it off. Then we can commiserate together.

I guess I'm just becoming more simple as I age. Arguing and fighting no longer give me satisfaction. It isn't about being right anymore. I just want us to get along. Even my brothers and sisters knew how to get along and play togther sometimes. That isn't going to happen with the Sibling Faiths, though, is it?

5 comments:

jaz said...

This is really nice. Thanks.

At one of the law firms I worked at I became great friends with an Orthodox Jewish woman, and our senior partner kept commenting on how strange it was. But we felt like we had so much in common. We often went out to lunch with another good friend-a Catholic guy--and one day he said something like hey, we have the three great monotheistic faiths represented here. So I think on the individual level,it's not so hard to find common ground and even great support.

In between football last night my husband flipped to a PBS special on Iran. First of all, I was almost literally moved to tears by how stunningly beautiful it was. But what was so cool is that this sort of bumbling reporter guy who confessed he had been a little afraid to go, came to really admire and love the people who were so warm and welcoming, and to use a horrible word, "normal."

I got my first "hate" comment on my blog yesterday, which I did not publish. I thought about it because I think it says everything about the person making the comment and nothing about me, and because it is so ironic 2 days out from Obama's inauguration. But then I thought, you know, I feel like my blog is so NOT hateful and I just didn't want to start down that path of airing that kind of discussion. As a citizen and a lawyer I am all for free speech. But maybe not on my blog. :)

Bevie said...

"This is really nice. Thanks.

Thanks, Jennifer. I was worried how I was coming across.

"I think on the individual level,it's not so hard to find common ground and even great support.

I agree.

"I got my first "hate" comment on my blog yesterday

My first reaction was to get defensive and angry on your behalf. Then I remembered you are well able to take care of yourself.

But I'm still p*ssed off. You have probably the least hateful tone of anyone writing about serious issues. You show the human side of arguments. The ignorant would do well to pay attention instead of launching written attacks.

I understand your position about free speech/your blog. I have not had to deal with this - yet. You address "sensitive" topics more than me, so I guess that makes you a bigger target. Also, only a few people even know about my blogs, and I think they all came from Evil Editor (except Ms Sparrow, who I met at the Writers' Group Meeting). The Minions can be tough, but they're not creeps.

We all have to make decisions on what is/is not appropriate for our blogs. However, if someone just wants to attack, that is not really holding a discussion. To me, discussion is a two-way dialog. The parties may disagree with each other, but they maintain at least some semblance of mutual respect.

You have put it behind you, right? You're okay?

Bevie said...

Jennifer, I just went to re-read your last post and noticed my second comment wasn't there. Not that that's such a big deal, but there wasn't anything wrong with my comment, was there? If so, I am so very sorry. Please believe me, it was the result of silly wording and not intent.

jaz said...

Bevie, I didn't get a second comment from you yesterday. I can't imagine that you would say something I wouldn't publish, and if you did, I would tell you. So if you still remember what you said and want to resend, I will publish it.

I am okay. I was pissed, too, at first. It felt like such an intrusion. At of course it was anonymous. And, being me, I felt like I had a lot to say back to the person. But like I said, I just don't want that discussion on my blog. At least not now. You know?

Bevie said...

"You know?"

I do. I'm glad you're okay.

I was having trouble trying to put my thoughts into words, so maybe I didn't actually post the comment.

Basically, I was agreeing with you about America's changing demographics, but trying to say that our demographics have been changing for more than two hundred years and still there are prejudices dating back to the 1700s which have yet to be completely resolved.

I think it's what led me to write this post. I'm a silly dreamer. I just want people to get along.

Glad to know you will tell me if I cross any lines.

Have a good day.