I can get p*ssed off quite easily sometimes, but it generally passes quickly. I rant and I rave, but nothing ever comes of it. As a co-worker once said of me when another co-worker threatened to "sic' me on her - I'm not worried about Bevie. Bevie's just a pussycat. I couldn't argue. I am a pussycat. De-clawed.
But, like my Firestar, I still have teeth. And there are other times, when I am not just p*ssed, I am out and out torked. That's when I take action - if I can.
Which is why I feel frustrated right now. My best friend in the world has health issues. What can I do with that? I know nothing about health. Not really.
Someone else I love dearly has suffered abuse from some jack*ss who remains hidden in the shadows.
What can I do?
I can't stand in the breach, as much as I would dearly love to. Being an exceptionally large person, I can be quite intimidating to the cowardly - which is what this jerk is: a coward. All terrorists are cowards. I am not impressed with those who kill themselves in order to take out others. That is not courage. That's stupidity. I don't think God is very favorably impressed.
Neither is God impressed by those who hide bombs at abortion clinics in the name of Christ, or spew hatred over the radios waves in the same name. Those people need a big "time out". They have left their first love and are in grave danger of losing a lot more than the respect of those who truly love God.
Snipers, drive-by shooters, rapists, muggers, child molestors, and those who write words of venom and hatred against individuals are all cowards. Am I grouping anonymous writers with rapists and child molestors? Absolutely. These people are inflicting pain for no good reason with the lowest level of personal risk. That is cowardly.
I have found that low-intelligent men who hate high-intelligent women do not particularly care to be around men who like such women. Even when those men are far shorter than them. My friend, Chris, is hardly over five feet tall. Yet I have seen him put six foot jack*sses to flight with a mere look of annoyance on behalf of a victim.
Which is why I would just love to have this low-life attacker brought into my presence. I'm six foot six inches tall. That's no big deal to normal people. I don't intimidate normal people. But this slimeball who has attacked my friend - this pr*ck would wet his pants, I'm sure.
I don't like to talk violence. It goes against all I believe is in accordance with God. But at the same time, my emotions go crazy when someone I love is suffering, or being hurt. I came really close to causing a scene at my son's school back when his phy-ed teacher left him unsupervised and he wound up breaking his collar bone. What stopped me was my son. He told me he forgave the teacher. I saw that he meant it. He had. So I left off my anger.
But I just hate it when people I love suffer. You see, I don't love bad people. I love people who deserve far more than I can ever hope for them. So to see, or hear of, them suffering hurts. And when I can't do anything to help, I find myself crying.
Now isn't that a grown-up thing to do? I'm quite the tough one, aren't I?
Why can't the people I love live in peace and have good health,? Why am I so powerless to help them? It isn't fair. It just isn't. Why don't my prayers make them better? Why?
9 comments:
You can't make it all better but you can make a difference and you do.
Thanks, Fairy.
You know, when people just like me, it seems like things are better. It never occurs to me that my liking others has the same effect on them.
Wish I could do more.
Bevie, please don't worry about me! It's not that I am feeling so horrible in general, it's just that a blog is a volunatary thing and when you have kids and are trying to write, and sort of studying for the bar exam and have friends and family and volunteer projects etc etc etc, you have to pick how you spend your time. And when something totally voluntary becomes a pain in the butt, it makes you think hey, I don't HAVE to do this. And here is a "secret"--like an idiot I mentioned the blog on a cover letter to my dream journal. And even though that journal accepts like less than 1/100th of 1 percent of its submissions and the chances of my story even being read, let alone someone visiting the blog were almost nil, I felt like I had to be polite and professional on the blog all the time just in case, AND like I had to keep doing it. But I got rejected two days ago, so it made it a lot easier to say screw this, I don't need to take it anymore. It started as a break, but then there was one more insult and I just thought, enough.
But I am fine. I know I could say, I know I could report them to blogger, but it wasn't a religious based comment. It was personal and for me really bad, but objectively was it actionable? Who knows.
And actually, part of my frustration was compounded by someone who was a long time reader, but I of course won't say who, except that of course it was not you.
Okay, how long can this comment be? I just felt horrible when I read your post, because I think you are more upset on my behalf than I am, and that is my fault for not explaining all of the above in the first place.
And now I can't sign in. See? Blogger is a pain. :
Blogger is a pain. I spent hours trying to find away around it's bug problems so I could make a simple change to the new blog.
We have become a kind of extended family, we who share blog visits. It's an odd kind of family, for none of us ever meet. (Actually, that's not true. Several of the Minions are meeting in London this month. Lucky ducks.)
The decision on how much/whether to continue ultimately has to come down to yourself. Blocking anonymous comments is easy enough. It's harder when someone close joins in. I know what that's like. That takes the wind out of the sails faster than anything.
Which reminds me: I wrote that response you asked for. It's posted on a blog where no one is likely to find it. If you want to read it, it is where I put the Quran. If you can't find it, email me.
A great number of people are predisposed to search for fault. They always find it, because it's always there to be found, in their own minds if not in the minds of others. Sometimes we are surprised at who these people are. All of us are capable of being stupid.
You're my friend. I want you to stay in the blogging world. But more than that I want you to be happy. Make your decision based on yourself, and the family which lives in your house. Whatever you choose, it need not be a permanent choice.
If I were a true prophet I would know what to say. All I know is that God is with you. I know this, because I am with you in heart.
assalaamu alaykum
Thanks, Bevie!
Non blog blog is up through this profile. I imported the old blog and lost ALL the comments. Did I mention that I hate blogger??
Bevie, file this under whack job, but I am going back to the old blog. Blame Sarah L. She almost made me cry with an offhand comment that changed everything.
I'm so glad you are, Jennifer. Please turn off anonymous comments. I don't think you'll lose anyone important.
It's none of my business, but I have an email address, if you just want to vent without risking escalation. Sometimes that can help.
Sometimes it's not needed.
So glad you're staying! [smiles upon smiles]
If you want: beviejames@gmail.com
Thanks, Bevie. I think it will be fine. I'm not saying it was my fault, but I posted something very personal in that last post, because I was thinking of all of the known readers, but in doing so I opened myself up to the attack. So I think there is a lesson there about the blogosphere and what to reveal and what not to.
I didn't re-publish that post, so that shouldn't be an issue. Maybe we can all get back to normal. My kids watch some show called total drama island. I feel like I could be the star!
All posts are a kind of risk, aren't they? Even comments. And you've taken more hits from what you write than any I know. What's so frustrating is that it makes no sense whatsoever. You are an inclusive person.
You showed great courage in what you posted. It gave me the courage to make my post (did you read it yet?).
Choosing to not repost it is not cowardice, though. I think of it as wisdom. You said what you said, and I think you're stronger for having done so.
I'm glad you're staying.
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