International Women's Day

Most of my readers probably were already aware of today's signifiance without me telling them. I didn't know. The only holidays I pay attention to are: New Year's, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Halloween (because of Son), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I also know about Spouse, Son's, and my own birthdays, and my wedding anniversary. That's twelve days. The other stuff I don't pay much attention to. Sorry. I don't.

But FairyHedgeHog has a post about International Women's Day and I thought I would add my little bit. It kind of ties in to something which has been popping up in my life quite a bit since Christmas, and something else which has been bothering me for a number of years. Hopefully, this won't become one of those interminable lengthy posts.

While I like the idea of acknowledging women on a special day, something about it seems condescending to me. We give women a day to tell them how important they are, and how much they have meant to the world, and then the rest of the year we see them beaten, raped, murdered, held back, and - well, the list goes on. Why can't we honor women all the time?

At least today women are important in the eyes of most. I think they are anyway. Hope so. I just wish we could carry this sentiment throughout the year. And men, too. I wish we could just treat people with respect all the time, instead of just on a special day.

Which kind of leads into my other two topics, which are closely tied together: Gay people (lesbians in particular); and the hijacking of my faith.

Before launching into this next part, let me say up front that I have concerns about writing it. My concerns, however, are probably not for the reasons you may suspect. What I am concerned about is coming across as some stupid know-it-all, or a condescending jerk, or some self-important bast*rd. In essence, I am worried about offending the very people I wish will accept me. It is so easy to offend. Especially with the written word. I recently read somewhere that only 40% of a message is received when it is written. Without the visual and audio to help, words are often misinterpreted.

This year I have found myself meeting a lot of lesbian women. I have also found myself confronted time and again with issues relating to the gay community in general. I'm not one to believe in consistent coincidences, people. I think God is trying to get my attention in order to tell me something. I'm not sure what. Not yet.

I have known only a handful of confessed gay people in my life. I was on good terms with all of them. Three were my friends. Yet in only one case did I even think about the person being gay. That was when I was seventeen. Mel was kind of over the top. Russ and Steve I didn't even know were gay until after changing jobs and no longer interacting with them. Steve I learned about from a mutual friend. Russ had his picture in the paper. He had entered the entertainment field, which I always felt he was well-suited for. He knew how to tell a comic story. Jenny I knew all along, but never thought about it. Same with Sarah.

Currently, I do not have anyone around me who is gay that I know of. There is our good friend, Sarah, down in New Mexico, but she only calls once or twice a year. She also sends the most wonderful baked goods at Christmas. Ummm. But I have met several lesbian women on-line. Especially recently. I like these people. I like them a lot. And that I should be meeting more and more and more lesbian women makes me wonder what's up in my life. Some day I'll find out. Meanwhile, to my point.

My point is not to draw attention to how "wonderful" I am because I like the company of these women. My point is that, after getting to know them as people - as women - I cease to think of them as lesbian women, and simply as women.

I am also learning that some of them are scared and/or hurting. These are the women who are suffering from non-acceptance by others. Sarah Laurenson wrote about the frightful prospect of being declared unmarried after being declared married. This was actually written before Christmas, and it served as a catalyst for my journey to this new world I'm finding myself in. I know about not being accepted. For different reasons, but does the reason for not being accepted matter? It's still out of hand rejection.

Historically, I have not been one to enjoin myself to social issues. They're much easier to deal with when ignored. They don't go away, but then you just ignore them some more. But wasn't that how Hitler came to power? I think it's how G.W. made it, too.

Anyway, Sarah's post caused me to think about myself and my faith. It made me dig deeper into what Jesus had to say about people. You see, Sarah's post had moved me to tears, and I had discovered that I am NOT in favor of turning people's lives upside down in the name of God. So I had to know what God said. I found out. I had known it since I became a Christian back in August of 1975. I had just let the hijackers make me forget it.

It turns out my lack of desire to inflict pain, emotional or otherwise, is quite correct. God is love, people. He is the spiritual - and physical - embodiment of love. I know. I've seen it. I've felt it. And, I can't describe it. I can only say it exists. It's there for all of us. God loves us all.

I can honestly say that anyone who criticizes love - especially in the name of God- hasn't a clue what they are talking about. If you are one of these people who do so, stop it. Quit focusing on what you believe to be wrong with people, and start focusing on the fact that they are people. Once you do that, nothing else matters.

To be truthful, I am no longer even sure what being gay or lesbian is. If it is sexual activity with one or more members of my own gender then I can say for certain I am not, nor do I wish to be. But if it more than that - and I am finding myself believing it is with greater fervency - then I could very well be. There are a lot of people I love, and some share my gender. I'm not interested in having sexual relations with these people, but I love them. Some of those I love are gone to me until it is my time to leave the earth. That is pain. More pain than somedays I think I can bear. Were it not for my music I think I should lay down and cry until I passed away.

I know what it means to love. I also know what it means to hurt because of love torn away. There is no way I can support tearing apart two people who love each other, no matter their gender. That is not God. That is not love.

My recent contact with the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community has been nearly all with women. I suppose that makes sense. I relate much better to women than men. My conversations with women tend to be more meaningful than with men. Speaking in generalities, I'm happier talking with women than men. There are exceptions. Stephen was the biggest. Daddy and my brother, Mickey, too.

My emotions have been spinning like crazy over this topic for several months now. I'm happily married, and I want to stay that way. At the same time, I find myself wishing I could be part of this new and wonderful group of people I've met. If only it were possible.

Meanwhile, let it be known that this Born Again Christian does NOT condem the GLBT community. Those from it I know I actually love. Not all the same. I don't know them all the same. But it's still love. And if I love them, then God certainly does. I can't love more than God. So whoever you are, don't worry when someone tells you God doesn't love you. They're wrong. You are precious. God loves you. And for what it's worth, so do I.

NOTE: If you are interesting in my response to television and radio preachers who spend their days condemning the GLBT community, I will write a post on Faith in Forgiveness later today. Right now, I have to get off the internet. I promised Son he could write his book for an hour. Then we are going to visit my Mother. If you are interested, check back this evening (CST), or on Monday. Thank you for reading this far. [smiles]

For General Questions/Comments

The Meeting is Delayed

Well, it turns out I slammed the panic button a bit early. In my distress in learning I might actually have to attend a Writers' Group meeting I failed to correctly read the scheduled time. The meeting will not take place on January 6th, as I originally believed. It's a week later. How did I learn this?

I signed up to go.

I responded by Email and said I would be there. Then I printed out the information (of course the map didn't print). I set the printouts on Spouse's desk so they wouldn't get lost (you should see my desk [table]). Five minutes later Spouse pushed them in front of my face and informed me that I was wrong about the date.

I'm feeling better about going already. (big smile)

Maybe this is the year Little Bevie finally grows up. I have some wonderful on-line friends who are very encouraging. That helps. A lot.

Thank you, Friends.

For Non Post-Related Questions / Comments

I Must Say, Jennifer, That Life Also Has A Mean Sense of Humor

Okay. You're in the Post Title, Jennifer, because I want to be sure you read this. I'm not certain you are still checking the comments on the earlier post.

The answer to your question has changed - only hours after I posted with great pleasure that I had no idea when the next meeting was. Remember how I wrote that, "Sometimes life is just so kind"? My writing is as big as my mouth.

On a whim, I checked my little used email address, the only one I had when I signed up for the Writers' Group at the library computer. A few months later Spouse insisted we go on-line at home and we got a new address. I sometimes go five or six days without checking the 'old' address, so why I checked it twice today I don't know. Just hunting for a reason to be miserable, I guess. Well, I've got one now.

There, staring me in the face was a single message.

It wasn't from Monster Job Search. I get lots of these, telling me about jobs requiring skills I've never heard of in places I can't afford to go to, such as Colorado, Michigan and Ohio. Why don't these websites pay attention when you say you don't want to apply more than fifty miles from home?

Neither was it from the Work At Home Opportunities. I get lots of these, too. All I have to do to work from home is pay other people. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I indicated on their website to go ahead and keep me appraised of new opportunities. It's always the same ten opportunities! They just rotate randomly.

No. It was from The Writers' Group, informing me that the next meeting will take place next Tuesday, in downtown St. Paul, at a sandwich and pizza shop, after dark! (7:00 p.m.) Right now, after that beautiful, and wonderful, and intelligent, uplifting, encouraging, helpful (add as many other positive adjectives as you can think) advice you gave me, do you know what I am feeling right now?

I may throw up.

I'm not even there and I'm terrified! What the h*ll's the matter with me?

When I saw the message I was nervous. When I opened it and read it, my heart sank. Why? Here's the list again:

Tuesday: no problem
St. Paul: problem. Big cities scare me. (I know it's not New York, Chicago or Los Angeles, but it's still big to me. It's not a place for greenhorns.)
St. Paul: 2nd problem. It's nearly 50 miles from here. (Okay. This one isn't really fair. Everything's nearly 50 miles from here.)
Sandwich/Pizza Shop: annoyance. I get to sit and watch other people eat.
7:00 p.m.: problem. I usually go to bed between eight and nine. (I'm usually up before 4:00 a.m.)

So, what do I do now? Well, I guess I have to pretend I'm someone else. What would I say?

HardDrivingTaskmaster(HDT): What do you mean big cities scare you? What the h*ll's the matter with you?

TLB(timid little bevie): I asked that already.

HDT: A city's a city, dummy! What's wrong with St. Paul?

TLB: People get shot there.

HDT: You idiot! People get shot everywhere - including your little town.

TLB: Thanks for telling me.

HDT: Fifty miles? You knew that when you signed up! What did you sign up for if you think it's too far? Are you nuts or something?

TLB: Grandma says I am. (see earlier post today)

HDT: What's wrong with the restaurant? Don't you like to eat?

TLB: Love it. But I don't have any money. You know that.

HDT: That one, I'll give you. So, it's after dark. Big deal. You afraid of the dark or something?

TLB: No! Yes. Maybe. Sometimes. But its being in the city after dark. Don't you get it?

HDT: No. Why do you go to bed so early. Nobody else does.

TLB: I get up early.

HDT: Why? You don't have to.

TLB: It's my alone time.

HDT: You're always alone.

TLB: Well, yeah, but there's something about being alone early early in the morning when most everyone else is asleep. It's really neat in the summertime because the sun's up.

HDT: You're hopeless, Bevie. Get your a** up and go!

I think I'll pretend I'm somebody else.

Grandma: Bevie's nuts! Bevie's nuts!

Crap.

This is for anyone who wishes to post a question/comment to me, but not to a specific post of mine.

This is for anyone who wishes to post a question/comment to me, but not to a specific post of mine.