Unless something extraordinary occurs, we have today and eight others remaining in this house. Then we're out. Forever. The demise will have entered its next phase.
I would like to say the downward trend has been stopped, if not reversed, but that would not be true. We've just lost our current place to stay. Estimates are we will have four months at the apartment/flat. Then we lose that. Where we go then I don't know.
Was at the digestive doctor this past week. He's a very nice man. Been going to him since the early 1990s. He gives me free medicine. It only lasts a few weeks, but hey, that's like putting money in my pocket.
Generally, he's an upbeat kind of person, but this time he was low. You see, I'm not his only patient who has crumbled under the current economic collapse. He has dozens of them. Literally. And because there are so many people he knows personally who are in trouble, he favors the current health care reforms being proposed in Washington. I didn't go into details with him about them. I'm not sure I am.
It's not that I don't acknowledge the current system of health care in the United States s*cks so bad it's nearly incomprehensible as it is I just don't trust anyone to do it right. I don't trust politicians and I don't trust insurance carriers. I would trust the doctors and nurses, but they have no real power to make decisions. They can treat patients, but only within the limits set by government, insurance, and administrators.
The concept of requiring people to buy health insurance bothers me. People like me just cannot afford it. So what will government do when we don't buy it? Fine us. Brilliant thinking. Like the banks who punish people who can't afford to pay credit card bills. They raise the interest rate, thereby increasing the payments. It's just another way to torture the poor and say it's their own fault.
The theory is that for those who cannot really afford to pay for health care, subsidies will be provided. Right. I know what kind of health care that is. I've got it now. I simply don't believe in it. It will not work, but it will make a lot of people feel self-satisfied that they did something and now don't have to do anything else.
My attitude is you don't have to do anything anyway. Just leave us the h*ll alone. Life's bad enough without you a*sholes making it worse with laws that serve you and not us.
People with money b*itch and complain how people like me cost them so much money with our poor health and no health insurance. Bullsh*t! The free medicine my doctor gives me? The pharmaceutical companies get huge tax write-offs for donating the medicine. It says right on the package it cannot be sold. That it's solely for doctors to give away. And doctors don't just give it away to the poor. Back when I had money and insurance and all kinds of good things I still got free medicine every time I saw this doctor. My being poor and not having insurance did not change anything.
The insurance I "enjoyed" over the past year served two purposes: it paid a good portion of my medicine, and it was there should I have been hospitalized. But the co-pays were so high I still could not have procedures done which my doctors were demanding. I had no money to pay my portion. And so I had no procedures.
The lie is purported that people like me go to the doctor anyway and don't pay. That's a lie! The truth is, we don't go to the doctor when we can't pay. Yes, we get worse. And then we don't go to the doctor because we can't afford that. I went this time because I needed a new prescription. Don't know what it cost me, but the plan is to use some of our housing money to pay for it.
I went two years with four broken teeth because I had no insurance or money to get them fixed. When I got insurance I went. Higher insurance premiums for everyone else? Why? Turns out insurance hardly covered anything at all and I wound up spending the entire spring tax return on my teeth. Bad insurance does not save poor people anything. It gives them a false sense of hope which is dashed when they get their bill.
Life in America is about money. If you have it, you will do well. If you don't, you become a tool for the Democrats and a burden to Republicans. I resent being a tool, but it is the Republicans who truly offend me. They claim they are "God's party" because they are anti-abortion. But this is what God says "his people", regardless of race, creed, or religion, are like:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law.
That is from Galatians, chapter five. Be honest now. Does any of that remind you of Republicans, or Democrats, or any other political group? It doesn't me. I see none of that in the Republican Party. They show hate, anger, strife, impatience, meanness, cruelty, disloyalty, harshness, reckless abandon. And all they want are more laws.
They're certainly not god-like. Which leaves who to resemble?
No matter. In just over a week I enter the next phase of my demise.
Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Politics. Show all posts
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Political Buddies
Nearly twenty years ago I came to work for a small privately owned company as a documentation writer. It was one of the more uncreative jobs I have had. What I did was take hand-written notes which others put together and type them into the computer, formatting them appropriately. I was not allowed to change a word - even when the wording was incredibly stupid. Seeing the stupid documentation for other products I am inclined to accept that this is some sort of standard in the world.
Two cases in point.
The first was for a DOS version of Microsoft Word. This dates back to the 1980s. At that time I had never used Microsoft Word, so my manager gave me the manual. We opened up the software and read about how, from the Main Menu, we could do all of these wonderful things. But there was no Main Menu. Not on my screen. What was more, the documentation didn't explain anywhere how to access the Main Menu. Eventually, we just began pushing buttons, to see what would happen. We discovered that by pressing the ESC key, the Main Menu displayed. Very helpful.
The second instance actually took place a few years earlier, when I worked at the outgoing mail department for a major evangelist. I had been transferred to what was called the "utility crew". We drove fork lifts, drove truck, handled the dock, and kept the machines stocked with materials. I had only recently been promoted to truck driver. Just in time for the company to decide that their existing straight truck was no longer worth keeping. In truth, it wasn't a bad truck - if one knew how to drive it. But it had a poor clutch, and in order to shift from second to third gear one had to double-clutch. There were only three of us who were willing to do this. Everyone else would use the "if I push hard enough it will eventually work" method. The clutch was constantly being broken. And when top brass decided they could save a few bucks by using the company truck for personal transports, the old truck had to give way to a new one. Automatic transmission.
Have you any idea how stupid and ineffectual an automatic transmission is on a straight truck designed to haul 24,000 pounds? No matter. Not the point of what I'm trying to say. Suffice to say that I hated that truck. But I kept it in good condition. So it was with great sadness that I saw other drivers beat the living h*ll out of it. Including my boss, who broke the supposedly unbreakable guard at the back designed to prevent drivers from backing too close to certain docks. He just didn't understand that 20-m.p.h. was too fast to back up to a dock.
Anyway, the truck came with its own manual. I was ordered to read it. This was the very first thing I read: To open the door, hold onto the handle, push the button in with your thumb, and at the same time you're doing this, pull on the lever.
Someone actually felt it necessary to make that an instruction. My God, people. If a person lacks the understanding to open the door without explicit instructions my thinking is - DON'T TELL THEM HOW TO DO IT!
Back to my documentation days.
My boss was a wonderful man. Most of the time. To some people. He was an ultra conservative, which meant that he firmly believes God is a Republican. Whoever came up with this ridiculous notion is really going to be in for it when he/she stands before God at judgment. It's bad enough that they chose a political party for God to belong to. But that they chose the meanest and most hateful of all political parties only makes it worse. (Not that God would be any more pleased to be associated with the idiot Democrats. What a choice: Mean and intolerant; Stupid and unorganized; or the 3rd parties - Totally nuts.)
Ken was brilliant when it came to ideas. And if you were brilliant in any way he thought would help his career, he was brilliant in making your life better. For nearly three years that was me. Ken saw what I could do and promoted me, got me raises, and arranged for a very flexible and independent workplace for me. All of that suited me well and I thrived. Then Ken quit and went to work for another company. He wanted me to follow. The company I was at had no future so I figured, why not? It was a cut in pay, but I was assured that was temporary.
What I had not realized was that Ken was so d*mned political that - even before anyone met me - I was the most hated co-worker in the department. They didn't like Ken (he was the manager) and they certainly weren't going to like any "ringer" he brought in to show them up. So my department co-workers were ruthless in trying to get rid of me. I would have quit right off, except Ken had got me to promise I would stay for two years, and I hate to lie.
My problems only intensified when Ken realized that his purpose in bringing me to the new company could not be filled. He had to change plans. Those plans did not include me. Now, as wonderful as he had been when I was useful to him, he was terrible toward me because he no longer saw value. I was on my way out.
What saved me was a setup Ken and my co-workers assumed would be my death blow. You see, we were writing software, and the other programmers had done a horrible job. It wasn't all their fault. Ken was in charge of design, and Ken suffered from the disease of "Creaping Excellence". This is when one cannot pick a design and stay with it. Ken was constantly improving on what was - even when it hadn't been finished yet. The result: the most bug-ridden release in company history. The blame? I got it. I was new on the staff. No matter that I hadn't even worked on some of the worst areas of the program. It was my fault. The owner was unhappy with me, but she was a LOT nicer than anyone else in the company gave her credit for. Whereas Ken was considered this wonderful, honest, and nice man, Lori was considered ruthless, uncaring, and selfish. Wrong on both counts.
While the veteran programmers worked on fixing the mess, I was pulled off the project (so it could be done right) and given the secondary system to upgrade. My co-workers believed I would hang myself without their "help". Ken believed my co-workers. They left me alone to prove to Lori why I should be fired.
What happened was the secondary program was released with the fewest bugs in its history. And those which were there had always been there. Not only had I not created new problems, but I had actually repaired some old. My praises were being sung by everyone in the company - except those in programming.
Ken, true to form, shifted gears and I was back in his good graces. After two years without a pay increase, I finally began receiving the rewards I had been promised when I came.
What I learned, though, is that you cannot trust people who are political. None of them. They will support you only as long as they see you capable of helping them. Once that no longer appears true to them, they will turn on you. You are now an enemy. You are "evil". I find that conservatives seem to want to use that word a LOT. Everything which disagrees with them is "evil". There is no common ground. There is no middle ground. There is no compromise. My way, or the highway.
Eventually, I would fall out of good standing with Ken again. And finally, just before he was driven out of the company, regain it for a final time. Ken's last 'good deed' to me was to empty my personal file of everything he had put in it. A lot of what he had put in there was flat out lies. He destroyed it. When his replacement came on board, he showed my file. It was completely empty. Didn't even have my original application.
For that I guess I kind of owe Ken some gratitude. He gave me a clean slate to work with.
I feel bad about Ken. Were it not for his political nature he would be a great person. But that conservative politcs streak just made him mean and intolerant at times. He couldn't accept people who were not "like him". What a waste. I often wonder if he's learned anything through the years. Sometimes people like that do, you know. Sometimes.
Apparently not, though, if their name is Chaney or Bush or Pawlenty.
What a pity.
Two cases in point.
The first was for a DOS version of Microsoft Word. This dates back to the 1980s. At that time I had never used Microsoft Word, so my manager gave me the manual. We opened up the software and read about how, from the Main Menu, we could do all of these wonderful things. But there was no Main Menu. Not on my screen. What was more, the documentation didn't explain anywhere how to access the Main Menu. Eventually, we just began pushing buttons, to see what would happen. We discovered that by pressing the ESC key, the Main Menu displayed. Very helpful.
The second instance actually took place a few years earlier, when I worked at the outgoing mail department for a major evangelist. I had been transferred to what was called the "utility crew". We drove fork lifts, drove truck, handled the dock, and kept the machines stocked with materials. I had only recently been promoted to truck driver. Just in time for the company to decide that their existing straight truck was no longer worth keeping. In truth, it wasn't a bad truck - if one knew how to drive it. But it had a poor clutch, and in order to shift from second to third gear one had to double-clutch. There were only three of us who were willing to do this. Everyone else would use the "if I push hard enough it will eventually work" method. The clutch was constantly being broken. And when top brass decided they could save a few bucks by using the company truck for personal transports, the old truck had to give way to a new one. Automatic transmission.
Have you any idea how stupid and ineffectual an automatic transmission is on a straight truck designed to haul 24,000 pounds? No matter. Not the point of what I'm trying to say. Suffice to say that I hated that truck. But I kept it in good condition. So it was with great sadness that I saw other drivers beat the living h*ll out of it. Including my boss, who broke the supposedly unbreakable guard at the back designed to prevent drivers from backing too close to certain docks. He just didn't understand that 20-m.p.h. was too fast to back up to a dock.
Anyway, the truck came with its own manual. I was ordered to read it. This was the very first thing I read: To open the door, hold onto the handle, push the button in with your thumb, and at the same time you're doing this, pull on the lever.
Someone actually felt it necessary to make that an instruction. My God, people. If a person lacks the understanding to open the door without explicit instructions my thinking is - DON'T TELL THEM HOW TO DO IT!
Back to my documentation days.
My boss was a wonderful man. Most of the time. To some people. He was an ultra conservative, which meant that he firmly believes God is a Republican. Whoever came up with this ridiculous notion is really going to be in for it when he/she stands before God at judgment. It's bad enough that they chose a political party for God to belong to. But that they chose the meanest and most hateful of all political parties only makes it worse. (Not that God would be any more pleased to be associated with the idiot Democrats. What a choice: Mean and intolerant; Stupid and unorganized; or the 3rd parties - Totally nuts.)
Ken was brilliant when it came to ideas. And if you were brilliant in any way he thought would help his career, he was brilliant in making your life better. For nearly three years that was me. Ken saw what I could do and promoted me, got me raises, and arranged for a very flexible and independent workplace for me. All of that suited me well and I thrived. Then Ken quit and went to work for another company. He wanted me to follow. The company I was at had no future so I figured, why not? It was a cut in pay, but I was assured that was temporary.
What I had not realized was that Ken was so d*mned political that - even before anyone met me - I was the most hated co-worker in the department. They didn't like Ken (he was the manager) and they certainly weren't going to like any "ringer" he brought in to show them up. So my department co-workers were ruthless in trying to get rid of me. I would have quit right off, except Ken had got me to promise I would stay for two years, and I hate to lie.
My problems only intensified when Ken realized that his purpose in bringing me to the new company could not be filled. He had to change plans. Those plans did not include me. Now, as wonderful as he had been when I was useful to him, he was terrible toward me because he no longer saw value. I was on my way out.
What saved me was a setup Ken and my co-workers assumed would be my death blow. You see, we were writing software, and the other programmers had done a horrible job. It wasn't all their fault. Ken was in charge of design, and Ken suffered from the disease of "Creaping Excellence". This is when one cannot pick a design and stay with it. Ken was constantly improving on what was - even when it hadn't been finished yet. The result: the most bug-ridden release in company history. The blame? I got it. I was new on the staff. No matter that I hadn't even worked on some of the worst areas of the program. It was my fault. The owner was unhappy with me, but she was a LOT nicer than anyone else in the company gave her credit for. Whereas Ken was considered this wonderful, honest, and nice man, Lori was considered ruthless, uncaring, and selfish. Wrong on both counts.
While the veteran programmers worked on fixing the mess, I was pulled off the project (so it could be done right) and given the secondary system to upgrade. My co-workers believed I would hang myself without their "help". Ken believed my co-workers. They left me alone to prove to Lori why I should be fired.
What happened was the secondary program was released with the fewest bugs in its history. And those which were there had always been there. Not only had I not created new problems, but I had actually repaired some old. My praises were being sung by everyone in the company - except those in programming.
Ken, true to form, shifted gears and I was back in his good graces. After two years without a pay increase, I finally began receiving the rewards I had been promised when I came.
What I learned, though, is that you cannot trust people who are political. None of them. They will support you only as long as they see you capable of helping them. Once that no longer appears true to them, they will turn on you. You are now an enemy. You are "evil". I find that conservatives seem to want to use that word a LOT. Everything which disagrees with them is "evil". There is no common ground. There is no middle ground. There is no compromise. My way, or the highway.
Eventually, I would fall out of good standing with Ken again. And finally, just before he was driven out of the company, regain it for a final time. Ken's last 'good deed' to me was to empty my personal file of everything he had put in it. A lot of what he had put in there was flat out lies. He destroyed it. When his replacement came on board, he showed my file. It was completely empty. Didn't even have my original application.
For that I guess I kind of owe Ken some gratitude. He gave me a clean slate to work with.
I feel bad about Ken. Were it not for his political nature he would be a great person. But that conservative politcs streak just made him mean and intolerant at times. He couldn't accept people who were not "like him". What a waste. I often wonder if he's learned anything through the years. Sometimes people like that do, you know. Sometimes.
Apparently not, though, if their name is Chaney or Bush or Pawlenty.
What a pity.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Who Am I
I wonder how much of the "me" that existed back in the 1950s and 60s still exists. Have I really changed that much over the past fifty-plus years? Or am I basically the same person?
Certainly, many of the things I enjoyed back then mean nothing to me now. Can't think of one quickly, because it seems to much of what was important to me then is still important to me now. New things have arisen in my life, to be sure. But that's just part of growing and I'm not sure my discoveries of love, passion, special foods, and whatnot actually changed me.
So many of my years have been spent trying to be "what I'm supposed to be", instead of what I wanted to be. I tried to guess the ideas of other people and conform myself to them. I never really wore that well and spent those years in great discomfort.
My discomfort now, I think, is that I am tossing aside the ill-fitting costumes I have taken from others, and I'm trying to wear something of my own - and I'm not used to it. The ideals of others don't always fit me. We're not the same size. You ever wear shoes that are too small? I have. We didn't always have a lot of money. Same with shirts and pants. I'd rather wear small shoes than small pants.
There are attitudes and philosophies I used to adhere to, but now am abandoning with reckless care. Is it because I have changed who I am, or because I'm simply no longer pretending to be someone I am not?
This was brought home to me the other day when I received an email from someone close to me. Twenty years ago I could have seen myself sending this email to her. She meant well, and she believed she was making a powerful and beautiful statement. It was powerful, but there was no beauty in it. I posted about it on Faith in Forgiveness, but before you rush to see what it was let me warn you up front it tends to be religious in nature. So if you aren't keen on reading Bible verses and such you might want to skip the read. I'll give the overview here, anyway.
Basically, the email I received (and was asked to forward to as many others as I could think of) was in reference to an alleged email sent by an engineering professor at Michigan State University to the Muslim Students' Association. Muslim students had apparently been protesting a Danish cartoon depicting the Prophet Muhammed as a terrorist. The professor was upset about the protests and wrote the email, blasting the campus's Muslim population for hypocrisy, citing beheadings, ill-treatment of women, terrorism, and other factors as the "normal teaching" of Islam. He concluded by telling the Muslim students to leave the country.
As I indicated, twenty years ago I could have sent this email myself. I have never been one to appreciate protests of anything. Back in the 1960s I found the Vietnam protests to be stupid and unhelpful. Frequently, they resulted in riots, which (in my mind) discredited the protest's entire purpose. All my life I have shaken my head in annoyance at everyone who protests. Even when they're protesting for something I agree with.
But that wasn't my reaction to this email. This email brought me down. (Oh, isn't that hard to do, right?) All I could see was it was filled with hatred and intolerance. These are the things which separate people, not bring them together. These are the things which keep people from seeing "our" side. They keep us from seeing theirs.
I sent an email back stating quite strongly my opinion that this was NOT the message God intended for us to spread, and that in NO WAY was God happy with it. Hatred plus hatred can only equal more hatred. If that's what you want then, I guess, fine. But if you want peace, you have to start talking peace. And I don't mean in the way politicians do. You can see their deception in their eyes as they say things they don't believe or feel in their hearts. That's not talking peace. That's just talking. Diplomacy: The art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
I didn't feel better for having sent it. Mostly because I felt bad that it had to be sent. The person I sent it to was quite happy, however. She said it was an eye-opener for her and that she would now pay closer attention to things like this. Good for her! I told her not to feel bad, because this is a lesson I've only recently learned myself.
Or have I?
Have I actually changed who I am? Or am I just letting it out now? Does it matter? My behavior has certainly changed. There is no way I can write, or forward, such an email now. The sequence of events needed to produce that are too improbable.
But who am I? And - what have I become? Anything? Or have I just stayed the same?
I really don't know.
Certainly, many of the things I enjoyed back then mean nothing to me now. Can't think of one quickly, because it seems to much of what was important to me then is still important to me now. New things have arisen in my life, to be sure. But that's just part of growing and I'm not sure my discoveries of love, passion, special foods, and whatnot actually changed me.
So many of my years have been spent trying to be "what I'm supposed to be", instead of what I wanted to be. I tried to guess the ideas of other people and conform myself to them. I never really wore that well and spent those years in great discomfort.
My discomfort now, I think, is that I am tossing aside the ill-fitting costumes I have taken from others, and I'm trying to wear something of my own - and I'm not used to it. The ideals of others don't always fit me. We're not the same size. You ever wear shoes that are too small? I have. We didn't always have a lot of money. Same with shirts and pants. I'd rather wear small shoes than small pants.
There are attitudes and philosophies I used to adhere to, but now am abandoning with reckless care. Is it because I have changed who I am, or because I'm simply no longer pretending to be someone I am not?
This was brought home to me the other day when I received an email from someone close to me. Twenty years ago I could have seen myself sending this email to her. She meant well, and she believed she was making a powerful and beautiful statement. It was powerful, but there was no beauty in it. I posted about it on Faith in Forgiveness, but before you rush to see what it was let me warn you up front it tends to be religious in nature. So if you aren't keen on reading Bible verses and such you might want to skip the read. I'll give the overview here, anyway.
Basically, the email I received (and was asked to forward to as many others as I could think of) was in reference to an alleged email sent by an engineering professor at Michigan State University to the Muslim Students' Association. Muslim students had apparently been protesting a Danish cartoon depicting the Prophet Muhammed as a terrorist. The professor was upset about the protests and wrote the email, blasting the campus's Muslim population for hypocrisy, citing beheadings, ill-treatment of women, terrorism, and other factors as the "normal teaching" of Islam. He concluded by telling the Muslim students to leave the country.
As I indicated, twenty years ago I could have sent this email myself. I have never been one to appreciate protests of anything. Back in the 1960s I found the Vietnam protests to be stupid and unhelpful. Frequently, they resulted in riots, which (in my mind) discredited the protest's entire purpose. All my life I have shaken my head in annoyance at everyone who protests. Even when they're protesting for something I agree with.
But that wasn't my reaction to this email. This email brought me down. (Oh, isn't that hard to do, right?) All I could see was it was filled with hatred and intolerance. These are the things which separate people, not bring them together. These are the things which keep people from seeing "our" side. They keep us from seeing theirs.
I sent an email back stating quite strongly my opinion that this was NOT the message God intended for us to spread, and that in NO WAY was God happy with it. Hatred plus hatred can only equal more hatred. If that's what you want then, I guess, fine. But if you want peace, you have to start talking peace. And I don't mean in the way politicians do. You can see their deception in their eyes as they say things they don't believe or feel in their hearts. That's not talking peace. That's just talking. Diplomacy: The art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
I didn't feel better for having sent it. Mostly because I felt bad that it had to be sent. The person I sent it to was quite happy, however. She said it was an eye-opener for her and that she would now pay closer attention to things like this. Good for her! I told her not to feel bad, because this is a lesson I've only recently learned myself.
Or have I?
Have I actually changed who I am? Or am I just letting it out now? Does it matter? My behavior has certainly changed. There is no way I can write, or forward, such an email now. The sequence of events needed to produce that are too improbable.
But who am I? And - what have I become? Anything? Or have I just stayed the same?
I really don't know.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sometimes Freedom is Just a Word I Think
This may be the last post I make here until Sunday or Monday. Going to be away from the computer a few days. If I get up early enough I'll post tomorrow, but no promises.
It's become so I'm not that keen on major holidays anymore. Well, at least not holidays associated with family. You know the ones: Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Why? Because I really do not wish to visit relatives. Not any more. Not for several years. Not since I found out how important I really am to them.
When the bottom fell out from under us back in '02, I didn't expect anyone to come running to our aid. People have their own struggles and we probably could have avoided all of this had we but exercised better courage and intelligence. In a nutshell, it was our own fault for not preparing. Well and good.
What I did NOT expect, or appreciate, was the treatment we got after we began falling. Those who did not outright ignore us (me in particular, as Spouse is a favorite on both sides) were downright rude. There have been a couple of individuals who have done more than help. Believing we would recover, Judayl actually borrowed money - twice! - to help us. She spent over $10,000 to keep us in this house. But the jobs I found to replace the one I lost didn't last. My body gave out on the one, and the company eliminated the other. Every time I think about what Judayl did I cry. You see, Judayl is also at cliff's edge financially. To help us, she put herself closer to financial ruin. Talk about feeling like scum. If she loses everything I am going to find it difficult not to blame myself. Only I have no money to give her. And if I had all the money in the world it could not pay for what she has done.
Perhaps it is my guilt over succumbing to Judayl's pressure to accept her gifts which spawns my desire to keep away from other relatives. (Not that they'd make similar offers. No way!) But I confess that Judayl did not need use a lot of persuasion to convince me. Every year I thought would be better than the one which preceded it. Every year I was wrong. Were I person of real character I would have refused the money. It turned out to be a lost cause anyway. (Kind of like A.I.G., if you ask me.)
So, imagine my reaction when, a few years ago, Spouse's siblings set up a reunion birthday party for their mother down in Arizona. We couldn't afford to go, so Spouse sent the appropriate apologies. The response was that the siblings would pay Spouse's airfare to Arizona. I told Spouse that was very considerate, but Spouse responded with the message: Thank you, for your offer, but if you truly want to help us, why not use the money to help us with the house payment? I wasn't too keen on this, but I wasn't going to get in the middle of the siblings. Unfortunately, I would be pulled in whether I liked it or not.
The return message was, to put it in the vernacular, there was no way in h*ll they would help us in keeping the house, but they would pay $1,800 for Spouse to fly to Arizona and back. But Spouse didn't want to leave Son. So the offer was amended: They would purchase two tickets: one for Spouse and one for Son. Spouse asked me my opinion. I said, "Do what you want to do. If you want to go, go. If not, stay home. It's your decision." (For some reason, Spouse hates it when I say these things.)
I think Spouse would have gone, except that Son didn't want to go without me. He didn't think it was fair that I be left home alone. But that was where the siblings' generosity ended. No ticket for me. Which was fine with me. So, because of Son not wishing to leave me alone, Spouse declined the offer.
I got letters. I got telephone calls. (So did Spouse.) All accusing me of not letting Spouse go. I felt like Pharaoh, with them all coming to me like Moses, "Let your Spouse and Son go!" They flat out called both Spouse and me liars for saying it was Spouse's decision. And none of them have been particularly kind to me since. Except for one niece, who always treats me like I'm important. I told Spouse to remember that when I die. M lives her faith, and accepts people for who they are.
Why bring up all of this cr*p? Well, one of Spouse's sisters called last night. During their conversation the topic of another reunion in Arizona came up. If we couldn't afford it then, we certainly can't now. At least then I had a job. But apparently the sister wants no part in organizing this time. Spouse told me afterward that she apologized for how things went the last time, and that she (and the other two organizers) hadn't intended to be insulting or cruel.
I know why Spouse brought this up. Not to go to Arizona. That's a non-issue. Rather, it was about Easter. Several of Spouse's sibling are getting together for Easter, and I know Spouse would very much like all of us to go. I don't want to.
It isn't about forgiveness. (I don't think it is, anyway. Hope not.) I don't care about the details of what happened a few years ago (which is why I remember them, right?). What matters is that they continually make it clear they don't particularly like me and, to my surprise, never have. I find no pleasure in the thought of being someplace in which I am "odd man out". I would rather be home alone. At least I have Firestar to keep me company.
At this point in time I have no idea how this will play out. I just know I wish Easter was over. Then whatever I wind up doing would be over, too. If I don't go, they'll hate me because I didn't go. If I do go, they'll hate me because I did. I'm not that keen on going to family functions on my side, either. I just want to stay home. That's easy.
It's become so I'm not that keen on major holidays anymore. Well, at least not holidays associated with family. You know the ones: Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Why? Because I really do not wish to visit relatives. Not any more. Not for several years. Not since I found out how important I really am to them.
When the bottom fell out from under us back in '02, I didn't expect anyone to come running to our aid. People have their own struggles and we probably could have avoided all of this had we but exercised better courage and intelligence. In a nutshell, it was our own fault for not preparing. Well and good.
What I did NOT expect, or appreciate, was the treatment we got after we began falling. Those who did not outright ignore us (me in particular, as Spouse is a favorite on both sides) were downright rude. There have been a couple of individuals who have done more than help. Believing we would recover, Judayl actually borrowed money - twice! - to help us. She spent over $10,000 to keep us in this house. But the jobs I found to replace the one I lost didn't last. My body gave out on the one, and the company eliminated the other. Every time I think about what Judayl did I cry. You see, Judayl is also at cliff's edge financially. To help us, she put herself closer to financial ruin. Talk about feeling like scum. If she loses everything I am going to find it difficult not to blame myself. Only I have no money to give her. And if I had all the money in the world it could not pay for what she has done.
Perhaps it is my guilt over succumbing to Judayl's pressure to accept her gifts which spawns my desire to keep away from other relatives. (Not that they'd make similar offers. No way!) But I confess that Judayl did not need use a lot of persuasion to convince me. Every year I thought would be better than the one which preceded it. Every year I was wrong. Were I person of real character I would have refused the money. It turned out to be a lost cause anyway. (Kind of like A.I.G., if you ask me.)
So, imagine my reaction when, a few years ago, Spouse's siblings set up a reunion birthday party for their mother down in Arizona. We couldn't afford to go, so Spouse sent the appropriate apologies. The response was that the siblings would pay Spouse's airfare to Arizona. I told Spouse that was very considerate, but Spouse responded with the message: Thank you, for your offer, but if you truly want to help us, why not use the money to help us with the house payment? I wasn't too keen on this, but I wasn't going to get in the middle of the siblings. Unfortunately, I would be pulled in whether I liked it or not.
The return message was, to put it in the vernacular, there was no way in h*ll they would help us in keeping the house, but they would pay $1,800 for Spouse to fly to Arizona and back. But Spouse didn't want to leave Son. So the offer was amended: They would purchase two tickets: one for Spouse and one for Son. Spouse asked me my opinion. I said, "Do what you want to do. If you want to go, go. If not, stay home. It's your decision." (For some reason, Spouse hates it when I say these things.)
I think Spouse would have gone, except that Son didn't want to go without me. He didn't think it was fair that I be left home alone. But that was where the siblings' generosity ended. No ticket for me. Which was fine with me. So, because of Son not wishing to leave me alone, Spouse declined the offer.
I got letters. I got telephone calls. (So did Spouse.) All accusing me of not letting Spouse go. I felt like Pharaoh, with them all coming to me like Moses, "Let your Spouse and Son go!" They flat out called both Spouse and me liars for saying it was Spouse's decision. And none of them have been particularly kind to me since. Except for one niece, who always treats me like I'm important. I told Spouse to remember that when I die. M lives her faith, and accepts people for who they are.
Why bring up all of this cr*p? Well, one of Spouse's sisters called last night. During their conversation the topic of another reunion in Arizona came up. If we couldn't afford it then, we certainly can't now. At least then I had a job. But apparently the sister wants no part in organizing this time. Spouse told me afterward that she apologized for how things went the last time, and that she (and the other two organizers) hadn't intended to be insulting or cruel.
I know why Spouse brought this up. Not to go to Arizona. That's a non-issue. Rather, it was about Easter. Several of Spouse's sibling are getting together for Easter, and I know Spouse would very much like all of us to go. I don't want to.
It isn't about forgiveness. (I don't think it is, anyway. Hope not.) I don't care about the details of what happened a few years ago (which is why I remember them, right?). What matters is that they continually make it clear they don't particularly like me and, to my surprise, never have. I find no pleasure in the thought of being someplace in which I am "odd man out". I would rather be home alone. At least I have Firestar to keep me company.
At this point in time I have no idea how this will play out. I just know I wish Easter was over. Then whatever I wind up doing would be over, too. If I don't go, they'll hate me because I didn't go. If I do go, they'll hate me because I did. I'm not that keen on going to family functions on my side, either. I just want to stay home. That's easy.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Clearly I Chose the Wrong Line of "Work"
Spouse and I have been talking about what we would like to do with out lives, as opposed to what others believe we should do with our lives, now that we have this opportunity to start over.
Siblings and friends, intent on being helpful, keep pointing us at jobs we hate. Their attitude is: Take what you can get. It's better than nothing.
I used to believe that. That's why I've never had a job in my life that was truly fulfilling. Oh, I made good money when I programmed software. But it wasn't me. I hated it. I only cried a few minutes when I was told to "get the h*ll out". By the time I was halfway home I felt free. Then I took another cr*p job and felt like I was some kind of repeat offender, put back in prison. Then health freed me from that job and put me into another office job. Talk about being in prison. It was a relief to have the position killed. I guess I owe this Depression some thanks.
Spouse is the same. Spouse also worked in an office. And hated it.
We never left our jobs on purpose because we had each other to consider, and then Son came along and we had him to consider. So doing what we wanted to do became out of the question.
So what happens?
The economy goes into the toilet and I lose all of the cr*p jobs I didn't really want anyway. Spouse's company leaves town and we don't go with it. Not that interested in living along the east coast. We begin losing things in the house. We have one garage sale. Then another. We did that until we ran out of furniture to sell. Without furniture, people just don't flock to a sale.
More and more we have "lost" things, or been forced to give them up. And do you know what? Off the top of my head, the only thing I can think of that we don't have any more that I wish we did is the gas grill. I love eating meat cooked over an open flame like that. Even hamburger and hot dogs. There was a time I used to get porterhouse steaks. That seems like such a long time ago. We also did a lot of chicken. Chicken cooked on the grill is wonderful. You stab a corner with your fork, cut it off with a steak knife, dip it in hot sauce, and eat. Fantastic. Tastes like shrimp. (Not really. Just couldn't resist the joke.)
Losing so much, little by little, has helped with losing so much at one time now. The simple truth is, we don't really give a d*mn anymore. This has turned into an opportunity for us to do what we want to do. The only problem we really have is that we've ignored what we wanted to do for so long, we're not quite sure what it is we do want to do. We have some ideas. Most seem quite stupid. We're going to look into doing those. Hey, we're old. Old and poor. People expect us to be stupid now. To h*ll with all of that "get any job you can lay your hands on" cr*p. We're going to have fun. If we can.
What's sad, I suppose, (especially if you're a rich Wall Street, Banking, or Insurance executive), is that Spouse and I aren't all that dishonest. If we were, we could have gone into Wall Street, Banking, or Insurance. We could have stole and mishandled billions of dollars. Then, when the entire world collapsed at the same time, we could get paid millions more, which we would pocket for ourselves. Oh, why the h*ll do we have consciences? People with money don't. At least, some times that's the way it seems.
Anyway, some time today our house was sold at sheriff's auction. Spouse walked by me this morning and pointed out the auction would take place in about an hour. I asked if we should go and make a bid. Spouse thought that was funny. That's new. When we were young and hopeful, Spouse laughed at all my jokes (whether they were funny or not). Then it got so nothing I said was funny. (Actually, nothing I ever said was funny. Spouse just quit laughing.) Now that we're starting over again, I'm funny again. Well, Spouse is laughing again.
Another bennie! It's kind of a partial return to youth. I just don't get the body I had, which is a shame. Well, maybe not. Thirty years ago Spouse was quite jealous about my body. No need for that now.
Meanwhile, if the government would only treat us foolish people who have real dreams with the same regard as it does wealthy thieves who only see what they can take. They gave billions away to people who WILL NOT USE IT TO HELP ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. H*ll, we can do that. And for only a small fraction of the cost. All we need is a little more than quarter million dollars. Then we don't have to worry about anything. The house would be ours.
Why is it that politicians can't think like this: Instead of giving money to businesses in which executives skim off large chunks, give the money to the people of the United States. They will pay off their credit cards, mortgages, and car loans. The banks will be solvent. People will feel good and the economy can roll again. For some reason politicians and economists are convinced giving the money to the people who caused this disaster is going to solve the problem.
Anyway, we get to start over. That is a gift from God. I hope we use it well.
Siblings and friends, intent on being helpful, keep pointing us at jobs we hate. Their attitude is: Take what you can get. It's better than nothing.
I used to believe that. That's why I've never had a job in my life that was truly fulfilling. Oh, I made good money when I programmed software. But it wasn't me. I hated it. I only cried a few minutes when I was told to "get the h*ll out". By the time I was halfway home I felt free. Then I took another cr*p job and felt like I was some kind of repeat offender, put back in prison. Then health freed me from that job and put me into another office job. Talk about being in prison. It was a relief to have the position killed. I guess I owe this Depression some thanks.
Spouse is the same. Spouse also worked in an office. And hated it.
We never left our jobs on purpose because we had each other to consider, and then Son came along and we had him to consider. So doing what we wanted to do became out of the question.
So what happens?
The economy goes into the toilet and I lose all of the cr*p jobs I didn't really want anyway. Spouse's company leaves town and we don't go with it. Not that interested in living along the east coast. We begin losing things in the house. We have one garage sale. Then another. We did that until we ran out of furniture to sell. Without furniture, people just don't flock to a sale.
More and more we have "lost" things, or been forced to give them up. And do you know what? Off the top of my head, the only thing I can think of that we don't have any more that I wish we did is the gas grill. I love eating meat cooked over an open flame like that. Even hamburger and hot dogs. There was a time I used to get porterhouse steaks. That seems like such a long time ago. We also did a lot of chicken. Chicken cooked on the grill is wonderful. You stab a corner with your fork, cut it off with a steak knife, dip it in hot sauce, and eat. Fantastic. Tastes like shrimp. (Not really. Just couldn't resist the joke.)
Losing so much, little by little, has helped with losing so much at one time now. The simple truth is, we don't really give a d*mn anymore. This has turned into an opportunity for us to do what we want to do. The only problem we really have is that we've ignored what we wanted to do for so long, we're not quite sure what it is we do want to do. We have some ideas. Most seem quite stupid. We're going to look into doing those. Hey, we're old. Old and poor. People expect us to be stupid now. To h*ll with all of that "get any job you can lay your hands on" cr*p. We're going to have fun. If we can.
What's sad, I suppose, (especially if you're a rich Wall Street, Banking, or Insurance executive), is that Spouse and I aren't all that dishonest. If we were, we could have gone into Wall Street, Banking, or Insurance. We could have stole and mishandled billions of dollars. Then, when the entire world collapsed at the same time, we could get paid millions more, which we would pocket for ourselves. Oh, why the h*ll do we have consciences? People with money don't. At least, some times that's the way it seems.
Anyway, some time today our house was sold at sheriff's auction. Spouse walked by me this morning and pointed out the auction would take place in about an hour. I asked if we should go and make a bid. Spouse thought that was funny. That's new. When we were young and hopeful, Spouse laughed at all my jokes (whether they were funny or not). Then it got so nothing I said was funny. (Actually, nothing I ever said was funny. Spouse just quit laughing.) Now that we're starting over again, I'm funny again. Well, Spouse is laughing again.
Another bennie! It's kind of a partial return to youth. I just don't get the body I had, which is a shame. Well, maybe not. Thirty years ago Spouse was quite jealous about my body. No need for that now.
Meanwhile, if the government would only treat us foolish people who have real dreams with the same regard as it does wealthy thieves who only see what they can take. They gave billions away to people who WILL NOT USE IT TO HELP ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. H*ll, we can do that. And for only a small fraction of the cost. All we need is a little more than quarter million dollars. Then we don't have to worry about anything. The house would be ours.
Why is it that politicians can't think like this: Instead of giving money to businesses in which executives skim off large chunks, give the money to the people of the United States. They will pay off their credit cards, mortgages, and car loans. The banks will be solvent. People will feel good and the economy can roll again. For some reason politicians and economists are convinced giving the money to the people who caused this disaster is going to solve the problem.
Anyway, we get to start over. That is a gift from God. I hope we use it well.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Why Am I Dabbling in Politics
Two posts on the same blog in the same day. Not usual for me. Hmm. Need to check my blood sugar level. Just kidding. Well, not exactly kidding. I do need to check my blood sugar leve. I just don't know how to do it.
Anyway.
I just did something I never thought I would do. Not only didn't I think I would do it, but it was something that never occurred to me to do. I sent an email to one of our State Senators. Amy Koch, of District 19, to be exact. I don't know if she's even my state senator.
Why did I do this?
Well, I was eating a late lunch in front of the television. There is not a single program worth watching during the day anymore. I used to love those travel shows. There were about a half dozen of them. Steve somebody traveling through Europe. Some old guy for old people traveling through the Caribbean and Mediteranean. Some girl who liked to slog through remote areas. There were also several cooking shows. My favorite is America's Test Kitchen. I like those people. They have fun. There's an Italian woman who's dishes look scrumptious, too. And then there was the British comedy, Last of the New Wine. All gone. Replaced by - cr*p.
So what was I watching? A state senate committee meeting about Reverse Referendums. This is when citizens in a school district sign a petition to put an already passed referendum back on the next ballot in order to see if the public still supports it. Once, back in 1993, this happened and the referendum was overturned. (Wish I knew about this before they forclosed on us.) The Frazee School District in Minnesota has been struggling for six or seven years to get a referendum passed. They get a 60% voter turnout! Incredible when one considers the average turnout for such an election is less than 25%. Clearly, Frazee has issues. These people are not voting because they're civic minded. They're voting because there are two factions who absolutely hate each other.
But they finally got their referendum passed. Now, the anti-referendum people have hired a group of professional referendum beaters to come into the district and begin working on the 15% petition. So what Frazee has done is get their local State Senator to propose a change to the law which would up the required percentage to 30%. (They wanted 40%.) Some want to abolish the law entirely.
What amazed me (but shouldn't have) as I sat and watched with growing interest (began with "boorrriiiinnnnngggggg" and soon became a sense that I needed to say something) was that none of the people supporting this change had done their homework. They didn't know when the last time this law was used. (The Chair happened to know.) They didn't know how many districts are facing this. They DID know that 90% of all Minnesota School Districts are operating with a referendum that supplies as much as 25% of their annual budget. (Something is dreadfully wrong with that, but that's a different topic.) No one of them did their homework. Criminy! No wonder politicians make so many dorky decisions.
Clearly this is a knee-jerk reaction to head off opposition in the Frazee School District. As one senator (a Republican - I was surprised) pointed out, raising the requirement to 30% wasn't exactly fair for school districts in which only 15% of voters even vote.
Proponents argued the same old cr*p how voters had their chance to say no at the election. They had no problem stating out loud they didn't care about people who didn't vote. That's why politicians s*ck. They choose to not realize they're supposed to represent EVERYONE, whether they voted or not, and regardless of who, or what, they voted for.
But anyway, I was also amazed that no one came up with my idea. Maybe it's not legal. Maybe it's so stupid it shouldn't be proposed. But I emailed Amy Koch. Confessed I may not live in her district, but gave her my proposal to chew on anyway. (Gave her my city of - current - residence.) This is what I say.
The voters approved a referendum. Many people didn't vote. No matter. Their failure to vote was their way of saying they were comfortable with the decision either way.
Referendums cost school districts tens/possible hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get a vote. It makes no sense to frivolously force votes because 15% of the voting force doesn't like it. What if 35% (as was the case in one example) voted YES?
Economic climates change. What was a good idea in 2007 is not in 2009. What was affordable in 2007 is not in 2009. Voters should have a right to respond to changes in community economic status.
If 35% of eligible voters said YES in 2007, then why not require at least 35% of eligible voters to sign a petition to overturn that vote in 2009? That would certainly demonstrate the community's desire to rethink the decision.
If only 10% of voters passed the referendum, then only 10% should be required to overturn.
Seems logical to me, so I'm convinced Amy Koch will never even see my email. Someone in her office will get it, read it, and delete it. I may get a form email back thanking me for my interest in state government. But at least I was heard. Right?
Umm. Right?
EDIT: (2 hours later)
Amy Koch responded to my email personally. Oh, and she IS my representative. (Had I only looked at the state map link I could have confirmed this myself.)
So, to answer my question about being heard, the answer is: Right.
I confess to surprise.
Anyway, I hadn't realized they were actually going to vote on something and so I thought they had finished. Had I only waited another five minutes I would have got to see the vote.
They voted to abolish the statute even allowing voters to overturn a referendum. Amy Koch voted against abolishing it. She indicated that the issue is not settled and there will be further discussion. She also said she intends to bring my proposal to the committee.
Maybe government does work sometimes. I only know my faith in it has been waning for some years. I may not get my way, but if my voice can be heard I'll at least feel better about losing.
Second Edit: (one minute later)
Jennifer. I blame you for this. You and Sarah. Between the two of you, I'm becomming socially conscious. I know it's going to give me a massive headache.
Anyway.
I just did something I never thought I would do. Not only didn't I think I would do it, but it was something that never occurred to me to do. I sent an email to one of our State Senators. Amy Koch, of District 19, to be exact. I don't know if she's even my state senator.
Why did I do this?
Well, I was eating a late lunch in front of the television. There is not a single program worth watching during the day anymore. I used to love those travel shows. There were about a half dozen of them. Steve somebody traveling through Europe. Some old guy for old people traveling through the Caribbean and Mediteranean. Some girl who liked to slog through remote areas. There were also several cooking shows. My favorite is America's Test Kitchen. I like those people. They have fun. There's an Italian woman who's dishes look scrumptious, too. And then there was the British comedy, Last of the New Wine. All gone. Replaced by - cr*p.
So what was I watching? A state senate committee meeting about Reverse Referendums. This is when citizens in a school district sign a petition to put an already passed referendum back on the next ballot in order to see if the public still supports it. Once, back in 1993, this happened and the referendum was overturned. (Wish I knew about this before they forclosed on us.) The Frazee School District in Minnesota has been struggling for six or seven years to get a referendum passed. They get a 60% voter turnout! Incredible when one considers the average turnout for such an election is less than 25%. Clearly, Frazee has issues. These people are not voting because they're civic minded. They're voting because there are two factions who absolutely hate each other.
But they finally got their referendum passed. Now, the anti-referendum people have hired a group of professional referendum beaters to come into the district and begin working on the 15% petition. So what Frazee has done is get their local State Senator to propose a change to the law which would up the required percentage to 30%. (They wanted 40%.) Some want to abolish the law entirely.
What amazed me (but shouldn't have) as I sat and watched with growing interest (began with "boorrriiiinnnnngggggg" and soon became a sense that I needed to say something) was that none of the people supporting this change had done their homework. They didn't know when the last time this law was used. (The Chair happened to know.) They didn't know how many districts are facing this. They DID know that 90% of all Minnesota School Districts are operating with a referendum that supplies as much as 25% of their annual budget. (Something is dreadfully wrong with that, but that's a different topic.) No one of them did their homework. Criminy! No wonder politicians make so many dorky decisions.
Clearly this is a knee-jerk reaction to head off opposition in the Frazee School District. As one senator (a Republican - I was surprised) pointed out, raising the requirement to 30% wasn't exactly fair for school districts in which only 15% of voters even vote.
Proponents argued the same old cr*p how voters had their chance to say no at the election. They had no problem stating out loud they didn't care about people who didn't vote. That's why politicians s*ck. They choose to not realize they're supposed to represent EVERYONE, whether they voted or not, and regardless of who, or what, they voted for.
But anyway, I was also amazed that no one came up with my idea. Maybe it's not legal. Maybe it's so stupid it shouldn't be proposed. But I emailed Amy Koch. Confessed I may not live in her district, but gave her my proposal to chew on anyway. (Gave her my city of - current - residence.) This is what I say.
The voters approved a referendum. Many people didn't vote. No matter. Their failure to vote was their way of saying they were comfortable with the decision either way.
Referendums cost school districts tens/possible hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get a vote. It makes no sense to frivolously force votes because 15% of the voting force doesn't like it. What if 35% (as was the case in one example) voted YES?
Economic climates change. What was a good idea in 2007 is not in 2009. What was affordable in 2007 is not in 2009. Voters should have a right to respond to changes in community economic status.
If 35% of eligible voters said YES in 2007, then why not require at least 35% of eligible voters to sign a petition to overturn that vote in 2009? That would certainly demonstrate the community's desire to rethink the decision.
If only 10% of voters passed the referendum, then only 10% should be required to overturn.
Seems logical to me, so I'm convinced Amy Koch will never even see my email. Someone in her office will get it, read it, and delete it. I may get a form email back thanking me for my interest in state government. But at least I was heard. Right?
Umm. Right?
EDIT: (2 hours later)
Amy Koch responded to my email personally. Oh, and she IS my representative. (Had I only looked at the state map link I could have confirmed this myself.)
So, to answer my question about being heard, the answer is: Right.
I confess to surprise.
Anyway, I hadn't realized they were actually going to vote on something and so I thought they had finished. Had I only waited another five minutes I would have got to see the vote.
They voted to abolish the statute even allowing voters to overturn a referendum. Amy Koch voted against abolishing it. She indicated that the issue is not settled and there will be further discussion. She also said she intends to bring my proposal to the committee.
Maybe government does work sometimes. I only know my faith in it has been waning for some years. I may not get my way, but if my voice can be heard I'll at least feel better about losing.
Second Edit: (one minute later)
Jennifer. I blame you for this. You and Sarah. Between the two of you, I'm becomming socially conscious. I know it's going to give me a massive headache.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Not Asking for Help - or Hatred
Why is it that people who do not wish to help others will speak with such venom when saying so? Instead of simply saying, "No thank you. I gave at the office", or, "I'm sorry, but I can't afford it right now", they get absolutely vicious. I'm talking about politicians, too, mind you.
Spouse related seeing some irate senator spouting off on some news program. "Why should we give our hard-earned money to others? Why?" It wasn't a question he appeared to want answered.
To answer the irate senator's question, I can only think of one answer: Because you want to.
If you don't, and he spent an entire speech spelling out why he didn't, then I can't think of a reason.
What I'm curious about is - why doesn't he want to? Why does he appear to hate people in need so much? What is it from his past which brought him to the place where he feels no compassion whatsoever toward people who are losing - or have lost - everything? He talks as if these people suffer because they want to. That it's all their own fault. I will grant him that in some of our (yes, I'm saying our) cases that is true. We have been foolish and stupid.
But what the h*ll's the matter with this guy? He's a frikkin senator for Pete's sake. (Thought I was going to use a different name, didn't you? I'll be honest. I nearly did.) Hasn't he been paying any attention to the news? Millions of people have lost everything (or nearly everything), and not because they were stupid or careless. They simply trusted people who should have been trustworthy, but who turned out to be the worst financial criminals ever. Don't these people deserve even a little compassion?
A lot of people thought they were immune. They thought they had enough insulation between themselves and poverty. How frightening to learn that wasn't true. I never used to feel sorry for the wealthy, or once wealthy. Having fallen with them, I do now. Oh, my perch wasn't nearly so lofty. The kind of money I was used to having wouldn't have seen them through lunch. But now many of them are no better off than I am. I feel sorry for them. Many have no idea what it's like down here at, or near, the bottom of society's step-ladder of success. I've been here before. The lower rungs are not all that unfamiliar. Not pleasant, though. Get stepped on a lot. Sometimes by one's own feet.
A few weeks ago I saw a woman interviewed. She had been a wealthy author or editor. The story didn't make that clear. What was clear was that last year her portfolio was worth tens of millions of dollars. Unfortunately, she had made her investments with the latest Wall Street scammer, and it was ALL GONE. All of it. She was in tears as she told how she didn't know how she would be able to keep her apartments and other things. (Yes, I said apartments. Plural.)
There was a time, I'm ashamed to say, I would have laughed at her. My thoughts would have been along the lines of, "Serves you right! Now see how it feels to be poor."
Not exactly loving, was I? This was after I became a Christian, people. Shame on me.
Couldn't do it this time. This woman, after losing nearly everything, still has more than I ever had when I was at the top of my financial life. Yet I found myself with tears on my face watching her and listening to her cries. She had no clue how to live a simple life. She was terrified. I understand terror. It hangs close to my elbows all the time, waiting for those moments when I'm tired, physically or, even more so, emotionally and spiritually. Then there is this senseless desire to run! I don't know where. I just feel if I can run I can get away from the troubles which beset me. (Fortunately, I am in such poor health I can't run, so I can't give in to the panic.) I know that's what this woman was feeling. That's why she was crying so. She's scared.
I hate to see people cry. Always have. Even when I used to pretend I didn't care. Someone would start to cry and I would begin to hurt inside. When Helvie and I used to fight, as long as she didn't cry I would continue my barrages. But once the tears began, I stopped. Sometimes she used that as an opportunity and beat the cr*p out of me. Mostly, it just ended the fight.
Why aren't people like this senator affected by the very real tears of the helpless? I guess I can understand not responding to people on newsreels. We don't know them, and it's easy not to care. We see so much faked drama on television shows and movies we become desensitized to what we see on a screen. But doesn't this senator know anyone personally who is suffering? Is he that insulated from the rest of us? Everybody I meet has been personally affected by this financial collapse to some degree. My helplessness to help makes me cry just walking around.
But it isn't just the senator's (and there are plenty like him in this country) lack of compassion which brings me so low. Why does he hate us? We're not enemies. We're just poor.
NOTE: This post came out by accident. I had intended to write something funny. Well, laugh it up, I guess. Got good news to post on The Great Sea. Give me a few hours to post it, though.
.
Spouse related seeing some irate senator spouting off on some news program. "Why should we give our hard-earned money to others? Why?" It wasn't a question he appeared to want answered.
To answer the irate senator's question, I can only think of one answer: Because you want to.
If you don't, and he spent an entire speech spelling out why he didn't, then I can't think of a reason.
What I'm curious about is - why doesn't he want to? Why does he appear to hate people in need so much? What is it from his past which brought him to the place where he feels no compassion whatsoever toward people who are losing - or have lost - everything? He talks as if these people suffer because they want to. That it's all their own fault. I will grant him that in some of our (yes, I'm saying our) cases that is true. We have been foolish and stupid.
But what the h*ll's the matter with this guy? He's a frikkin senator for Pete's sake. (Thought I was going to use a different name, didn't you? I'll be honest. I nearly did.) Hasn't he been paying any attention to the news? Millions of people have lost everything (or nearly everything), and not because they were stupid or careless. They simply trusted people who should have been trustworthy, but who turned out to be the worst financial criminals ever. Don't these people deserve even a little compassion?
A lot of people thought they were immune. They thought they had enough insulation between themselves and poverty. How frightening to learn that wasn't true. I never used to feel sorry for the wealthy, or once wealthy. Having fallen with them, I do now. Oh, my perch wasn't nearly so lofty. The kind of money I was used to having wouldn't have seen them through lunch. But now many of them are no better off than I am. I feel sorry for them. Many have no idea what it's like down here at, or near, the bottom of society's step-ladder of success. I've been here before. The lower rungs are not all that unfamiliar. Not pleasant, though. Get stepped on a lot. Sometimes by one's own feet.
A few weeks ago I saw a woman interviewed. She had been a wealthy author or editor. The story didn't make that clear. What was clear was that last year her portfolio was worth tens of millions of dollars. Unfortunately, she had made her investments with the latest Wall Street scammer, and it was ALL GONE. All of it. She was in tears as she told how she didn't know how she would be able to keep her apartments and other things. (Yes, I said apartments. Plural.)
There was a time, I'm ashamed to say, I would have laughed at her. My thoughts would have been along the lines of, "Serves you right! Now see how it feels to be poor."
Not exactly loving, was I? This was after I became a Christian, people. Shame on me.
Couldn't do it this time. This woman, after losing nearly everything, still has more than I ever had when I was at the top of my financial life. Yet I found myself with tears on my face watching her and listening to her cries. She had no clue how to live a simple life. She was terrified. I understand terror. It hangs close to my elbows all the time, waiting for those moments when I'm tired, physically or, even more so, emotionally and spiritually. Then there is this senseless desire to run! I don't know where. I just feel if I can run I can get away from the troubles which beset me. (Fortunately, I am in such poor health I can't run, so I can't give in to the panic.) I know that's what this woman was feeling. That's why she was crying so. She's scared.
I hate to see people cry. Always have. Even when I used to pretend I didn't care. Someone would start to cry and I would begin to hurt inside. When Helvie and I used to fight, as long as she didn't cry I would continue my barrages. But once the tears began, I stopped. Sometimes she used that as an opportunity and beat the cr*p out of me. Mostly, it just ended the fight.
Why aren't people like this senator affected by the very real tears of the helpless? I guess I can understand not responding to people on newsreels. We don't know them, and it's easy not to care. We see so much faked drama on television shows and movies we become desensitized to what we see on a screen. But doesn't this senator know anyone personally who is suffering? Is he that insulated from the rest of us? Everybody I meet has been personally affected by this financial collapse to some degree. My helplessness to help makes me cry just walking around.
But it isn't just the senator's (and there are plenty like him in this country) lack of compassion which brings me so low. Why does he hate us? We're not enemies. We're just poor.
NOTE: This post came out by accident. I had intended to write something funny. Well, laugh it up, I guess. Got good news to post on The Great Sea. Give me a few hours to post it, though.
.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
International Women's Day
Most of my readers probably were already aware of today's signifiance without me telling them. I didn't know. The only holidays I pay attention to are: New Year's, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Halloween (because of Son), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I also know about Spouse, Son's, and my own birthdays, and my wedding anniversary. That's twelve days. The other stuff I don't pay much attention to. Sorry. I don't.
But FairyHedgeHog has a post about International Women's Day and I thought I would add my little bit. It kind of ties in to something which has been popping up in my life quite a bit since Christmas, and something else which has been bothering me for a number of years. Hopefully, this won't become one of those interminable lengthy posts.
While I like the idea of acknowledging women on a special day, something about it seems condescending to me. We give women a day to tell them how important they are, and how much they have meant to the world, and then the rest of the year we see them beaten, raped, murdered, held back, and - well, the list goes on. Why can't we honor women all the time?
At least today women are important in the eyes of most. I think they are anyway. Hope so. I just wish we could carry this sentiment throughout the year. And men, too. I wish we could just treat people with respect all the time, instead of just on a special day.
Which kind of leads into my other two topics, which are closely tied together: Gay people (lesbians in particular); and the hijacking of my faith.
Before launching into this next part, let me say up front that I have concerns about writing it. My concerns, however, are probably not for the reasons you may suspect. What I am concerned about is coming across as some stupid know-it-all, or a condescending jerk, or some self-important bast*rd. In essence, I am worried about offending the very people I wish will accept me. It is so easy to offend. Especially with the written word. I recently read somewhere that only 40% of a message is received when it is written. Without the visual and audio to help, words are often misinterpreted.
This year I have found myself meeting a lot of lesbian women. I have also found myself confronted time and again with issues relating to the gay community in general. I'm not one to believe in consistent coincidences, people. I think God is trying to get my attention in order to tell me something. I'm not sure what. Not yet.
I have known only a handful of confessed gay people in my life. I was on good terms with all of them. Three were my friends. Yet in only one case did I even think about the person being gay. That was when I was seventeen. Mel was kind of over the top. Russ and Steve I didn't even know were gay until after changing jobs and no longer interacting with them. Steve I learned about from a mutual friend. Russ had his picture in the paper. He had entered the entertainment field, which I always felt he was well-suited for. He knew how to tell a comic story. Jenny I knew all along, but never thought about it. Same with Sarah.
Currently, I do not have anyone around me who is gay that I know of. There is our good friend, Sarah, down in New Mexico, but she only calls once or twice a year. She also sends the most wonderful baked goods at Christmas. Ummm. But I have met several lesbian women on-line. Especially recently. I like these people. I like them a lot. And that I should be meeting more and more and more lesbian women makes me wonder what's up in my life. Some day I'll find out. Meanwhile, to my point.
My point is not to draw attention to how "wonderful" I am because I like the company of these women. My point is that, after getting to know them as people - as women - I cease to think of them as lesbian women, and simply as women.
I am also learning that some of them are scared and/or hurting. These are the women who are suffering from non-acceptance by others. Sarah Laurenson wrote about the frightful prospect of being declared unmarried after being declared married. This was actually written before Christmas, and it served as a catalyst for my journey to this new world I'm finding myself in. I know about not being accepted. For different reasons, but does the reason for not being accepted matter? It's still out of hand rejection.
Historically, I have not been one to enjoin myself to social issues. They're much easier to deal with when ignored. They don't go away, but then you just ignore them some more. But wasn't that how Hitler came to power? I think it's how G.W. made it, too.
Anyway, Sarah's post caused me to think about myself and my faith. It made me dig deeper into what Jesus had to say about people. You see, Sarah's post had moved me to tears, and I had discovered that I am NOT in favor of turning people's lives upside down in the name of God. So I had to know what God said. I found out. I had known it since I became a Christian back in August of 1975. I had just let the hijackers make me forget it.
It turns out my lack of desire to inflict pain, emotional or otherwise, is quite correct. God is love, people. He is the spiritual - and physical - embodiment of love. I know. I've seen it. I've felt it. And, I can't describe it. I can only say it exists. It's there for all of us. God loves us all.
I can honestly say that anyone who criticizes love - especially in the name of God- hasn't a clue what they are talking about. If you are one of these people who do so, stop it. Quit focusing on what you believe to be wrong with people, and start focusing on the fact that they are people. Once you do that, nothing else matters.
To be truthful, I am no longer even sure what being gay or lesbian is. If it is sexual activity with one or more members of my own gender then I can say for certain I am not, nor do I wish to be. But if it more than that - and I am finding myself believing it is with greater fervency - then I could very well be. There are a lot of people I love, and some share my gender. I'm not interested in having sexual relations with these people, but I love them. Some of those I love are gone to me until it is my time to leave the earth. That is pain. More pain than somedays I think I can bear. Were it not for my music I think I should lay down and cry until I passed away.
I know what it means to love. I also know what it means to hurt because of love torn away. There is no way I can support tearing apart two people who love each other, no matter their gender. That is not God. That is not love.
My recent contact with the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community has been nearly all with women. I suppose that makes sense. I relate much better to women than men. My conversations with women tend to be more meaningful than with men. Speaking in generalities, I'm happier talking with women than men. There are exceptions. Stephen was the biggest. Daddy and my brother, Mickey, too.
My emotions have been spinning like crazy over this topic for several months now. I'm happily married, and I want to stay that way. At the same time, I find myself wishing I could be part of this new and wonderful group of people I've met. If only it were possible.
Meanwhile, let it be known that this Born Again Christian does NOT condem the GLBT community. Those from it I know I actually love. Not all the same. I don't know them all the same. But it's still love. And if I love them, then God certainly does. I can't love more than God. So whoever you are, don't worry when someone tells you God doesn't love you. They're wrong. You are precious. God loves you. And for what it's worth, so do I.
NOTE: If you are interesting in my response to television and radio preachers who spend their days condemning the GLBT community, I will write a post on Faith in Forgiveness later today. Right now, I have to get off the internet. I promised Son he could write his book for an hour. Then we are going to visit my Mother. If you are interested, check back this evening (CST), or on Monday. Thank you for reading this far. [smiles]
But FairyHedgeHog has a post about International Women's Day and I thought I would add my little bit. It kind of ties in to something which has been popping up in my life quite a bit since Christmas, and something else which has been bothering me for a number of years. Hopefully, this won't become one of those interminable lengthy posts.
While I like the idea of acknowledging women on a special day, something about it seems condescending to me. We give women a day to tell them how important they are, and how much they have meant to the world, and then the rest of the year we see them beaten, raped, murdered, held back, and - well, the list goes on. Why can't we honor women all the time?
At least today women are important in the eyes of most. I think they are anyway. Hope so. I just wish we could carry this sentiment throughout the year. And men, too. I wish we could just treat people with respect all the time, instead of just on a special day.
Which kind of leads into my other two topics, which are closely tied together: Gay people (lesbians in particular); and the hijacking of my faith.
Before launching into this next part, let me say up front that I have concerns about writing it. My concerns, however, are probably not for the reasons you may suspect. What I am concerned about is coming across as some stupid know-it-all, or a condescending jerk, or some self-important bast*rd. In essence, I am worried about offending the very people I wish will accept me. It is so easy to offend. Especially with the written word. I recently read somewhere that only 40% of a message is received when it is written. Without the visual and audio to help, words are often misinterpreted.
This year I have found myself meeting a lot of lesbian women. I have also found myself confronted time and again with issues relating to the gay community in general. I'm not one to believe in consistent coincidences, people. I think God is trying to get my attention in order to tell me something. I'm not sure what. Not yet.
I have known only a handful of confessed gay people in my life. I was on good terms with all of them. Three were my friends. Yet in only one case did I even think about the person being gay. That was when I was seventeen. Mel was kind of over the top. Russ and Steve I didn't even know were gay until after changing jobs and no longer interacting with them. Steve I learned about from a mutual friend. Russ had his picture in the paper. He had entered the entertainment field, which I always felt he was well-suited for. He knew how to tell a comic story. Jenny I knew all along, but never thought about it. Same with Sarah.
Currently, I do not have anyone around me who is gay that I know of. There is our good friend, Sarah, down in New Mexico, but she only calls once or twice a year. She also sends the most wonderful baked goods at Christmas. Ummm. But I have met several lesbian women on-line. Especially recently. I like these people. I like them a lot. And that I should be meeting more and more and more lesbian women makes me wonder what's up in my life. Some day I'll find out. Meanwhile, to my point.
My point is not to draw attention to how "wonderful" I am because I like the company of these women. My point is that, after getting to know them as people - as women - I cease to think of them as lesbian women, and simply as women.
I am also learning that some of them are scared and/or hurting. These are the women who are suffering from non-acceptance by others. Sarah Laurenson wrote about the frightful prospect of being declared unmarried after being declared married. This was actually written before Christmas, and it served as a catalyst for my journey to this new world I'm finding myself in. I know about not being accepted. For different reasons, but does the reason for not being accepted matter? It's still out of hand rejection.
Historically, I have not been one to enjoin myself to social issues. They're much easier to deal with when ignored. They don't go away, but then you just ignore them some more. But wasn't that how Hitler came to power? I think it's how G.W. made it, too.
Anyway, Sarah's post caused me to think about myself and my faith. It made me dig deeper into what Jesus had to say about people. You see, Sarah's post had moved me to tears, and I had discovered that I am NOT in favor of turning people's lives upside down in the name of God. So I had to know what God said. I found out. I had known it since I became a Christian back in August of 1975. I had just let the hijackers make me forget it.
It turns out my lack of desire to inflict pain, emotional or otherwise, is quite correct. God is love, people. He is the spiritual - and physical - embodiment of love. I know. I've seen it. I've felt it. And, I can't describe it. I can only say it exists. It's there for all of us. God loves us all.
I can honestly say that anyone who criticizes love - especially in the name of God- hasn't a clue what they are talking about. If you are one of these people who do so, stop it. Quit focusing on what you believe to be wrong with people, and start focusing on the fact that they are people. Once you do that, nothing else matters.
To be truthful, I am no longer even sure what being gay or lesbian is. If it is sexual activity with one or more members of my own gender then I can say for certain I am not, nor do I wish to be. But if it more than that - and I am finding myself believing it is with greater fervency - then I could very well be. There are a lot of people I love, and some share my gender. I'm not interested in having sexual relations with these people, but I love them. Some of those I love are gone to me until it is my time to leave the earth. That is pain. More pain than somedays I think I can bear. Were it not for my music I think I should lay down and cry until I passed away.
I know what it means to love. I also know what it means to hurt because of love torn away. There is no way I can support tearing apart two people who love each other, no matter their gender. That is not God. That is not love.
My recent contact with the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community has been nearly all with women. I suppose that makes sense. I relate much better to women than men. My conversations with women tend to be more meaningful than with men. Speaking in generalities, I'm happier talking with women than men. There are exceptions. Stephen was the biggest. Daddy and my brother, Mickey, too.
My emotions have been spinning like crazy over this topic for several months now. I'm happily married, and I want to stay that way. At the same time, I find myself wishing I could be part of this new and wonderful group of people I've met. If only it were possible.
Meanwhile, let it be known that this Born Again Christian does NOT condem the GLBT community. Those from it I know I actually love. Not all the same. I don't know them all the same. But it's still love. And if I love them, then God certainly does. I can't love more than God. So whoever you are, don't worry when someone tells you God doesn't love you. They're wrong. You are precious. God loves you. And for what it's worth, so do I.
NOTE: If you are interesting in my response to television and radio preachers who spend their days condemning the GLBT community, I will write a post on Faith in Forgiveness later today. Right now, I have to get off the internet. I promised Son he could write his book for an hour. Then we are going to visit my Mother. If you are interested, check back this evening (CST), or on Monday. Thank you for reading this far. [smiles]
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Your Pardon, Mr. President
But I did not watch your inaugural ceremony, speech or anything else, although I could have. I caught some clips after the fact, and I will listen to your speech on YouTube later, I am sure.
Please do not feel bad about my non-attendance. The truth is, there have been 11 presidential elections since I began paying attention to them, nine of which I was actually able to vote in, and I have watched none of the ceremonies. You are only the fourth president to win with my vote. The others didn't need it. Pity.
It isn't that I do not care. On the contrary, I care very much. The last two elections had me so discouraged I told myself I would not vote again. However, when the Moment of Decision came, I exercised my right - not duty. But I refused the little sticky thing to brag about voting. I didn't feel there was anything to brag about. And what has taken place in my home state only feeds that despair.
Several of the blogs I visit had postings and subsequent comments revealing high emotions surrounding your particular election to office. And this time I feel the new president was elected. This is an historic moment. But historic moments do not put chills on my arms. When the planes took down the towers in New York I felt sick. That was not my reaction to you, by the way. No, I am afraid I was too busy being happy about the exit of the old to consider the entrance of the new.
You got my vote, but not because I believed in you. That is my primary reason for withholding any comment on the other blogs, where your real supporters reside. They deserve their joy, and I have no right or desire to taint it.
But I have become cynical, and I now find it extremely difficult to believe in the people and institutions which govern my nation. Too many times I see the guilty paid to go free. And I've seen more than my fair share of enthusiastic candidates give up all of their ideals once in office. Decisions have not been made based on what is right or good, but rather on what brings in the most money and/or votes.
So I had no expectations of you as a president. I voted for you because I was convinced you would be the President. Your supporters confess their doubts now, but I never did. For me, the election took place in the spring, when you defeated Hilary Clinton. After that I did not doubt.
However, I did not vote just to say I voted for the winner. (I've voted for plenty of losers in my time.) You got my vote because I had a decision to make: Support the new President, and trust and help him to achieve the things he represents; Continue the same relationship with the new President that I have had with the old. I chose to support you and what you stand for. I made myself no delusions regarding what would happen. I would simply watch and help where I may.
To that end let me add this: more than any of the eleven predecessors (only seven men) I referenced at the start of this post, you have demonstrated the hope of positive change. Some have been upset over certain, specific decisions you have made. I don't concern myself with minor details like that. I hardly expect to agree with your every decision, and I am hardly qualified to state the rightness/wrongess until after the fact. What I look for is general direction. If I take a major highway expecting to reach a city to the north, I do not worry if the road veers left or right - as long it returns to course. So far, before your presidency, I have seen that. You are showing the signs of being a great president. I hope you are. We need one. Presidents are put in office by God. My hope is that you have been put there to help us out of the mess we are in.
In the meantime, Mr. President, congratulations. You do not have my cheers or tears because that is not my nature. What you have, pitiful as it is, is my support. If I can help, I will.
Good luck to you.
You are going to need it.
Bevie
Please do not feel bad about my non-attendance. The truth is, there have been 11 presidential elections since I began paying attention to them, nine of which I was actually able to vote in, and I have watched none of the ceremonies. You are only the fourth president to win with my vote. The others didn't need it. Pity.
It isn't that I do not care. On the contrary, I care very much. The last two elections had me so discouraged I told myself I would not vote again. However, when the Moment of Decision came, I exercised my right - not duty. But I refused the little sticky thing to brag about voting. I didn't feel there was anything to brag about. And what has taken place in my home state only feeds that despair.
Several of the blogs I visit had postings and subsequent comments revealing high emotions surrounding your particular election to office. And this time I feel the new president was elected. This is an historic moment. But historic moments do not put chills on my arms. When the planes took down the towers in New York I felt sick. That was not my reaction to you, by the way. No, I am afraid I was too busy being happy about the exit of the old to consider the entrance of the new.
You got my vote, but not because I believed in you. That is my primary reason for withholding any comment on the other blogs, where your real supporters reside. They deserve their joy, and I have no right or desire to taint it.
But I have become cynical, and I now find it extremely difficult to believe in the people and institutions which govern my nation. Too many times I see the guilty paid to go free. And I've seen more than my fair share of enthusiastic candidates give up all of their ideals once in office. Decisions have not been made based on what is right or good, but rather on what brings in the most money and/or votes.
So I had no expectations of you as a president. I voted for you because I was convinced you would be the President. Your supporters confess their doubts now, but I never did. For me, the election took place in the spring, when you defeated Hilary Clinton. After that I did not doubt.
However, I did not vote just to say I voted for the winner. (I've voted for plenty of losers in my time.) You got my vote because I had a decision to make: Support the new President, and trust and help him to achieve the things he represents; Continue the same relationship with the new President that I have had with the old. I chose to support you and what you stand for. I made myself no delusions regarding what would happen. I would simply watch and help where I may.
To that end let me add this: more than any of the eleven predecessors (only seven men) I referenced at the start of this post, you have demonstrated the hope of positive change. Some have been upset over certain, specific decisions you have made. I don't concern myself with minor details like that. I hardly expect to agree with your every decision, and I am hardly qualified to state the rightness/wrongess until after the fact. What I look for is general direction. If I take a major highway expecting to reach a city to the north, I do not worry if the road veers left or right - as long it returns to course. So far, before your presidency, I have seen that. You are showing the signs of being a great president. I hope you are. We need one. Presidents are put in office by God. My hope is that you have been put there to help us out of the mess we are in.
In the meantime, Mr. President, congratulations. You do not have my cheers or tears because that is not my nature. What you have, pitiful as it is, is my support. If I can help, I will.
Good luck to you.
You are going to need it.
Bevie
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Catching Up to the Rest of the World at Last
For the first time in history, the United States of America will have a black president.
It has always struck me as odd (since I began paying attention anyway) that we (Americans) pride ourselves on being the freest country in the world, yet we have never put a black man - or any woman - into the White House. Well, now we have. That milestone is now behind us. And whether Mr. Obama does well or poor will not matter, I think. I hope he does well. However, it cannot be denied that a good many Dr. Jekyll candidates become Mr. Hyde elected officials. Not all, and let us hope we saw the real Mr. Obama on the campaign trail. If so, it will be all right.
I read how many people in Europe and Asia are excited about this election, hoping Obama would win because it would mean the end of the Bush Administration. Well, that administration was coming to an end no matter who won this election. (I guess the French are already partying because of Bush's departure, not caring who wins.) But the election does not mark the end for Mr. Bush. So, for those who "hate" George Bush, I'm afraid you are still stuck with him for a couple months more. For those who "love" him, relish the months.
I'm still watching one final race in my state. The office of U.S. Senator is still undecided. Ten precincts have yet to complete vote tallies. There have been nearly 2.5 million votes cast and the top two candidates are separated by 1,118 votes. It is very representative of what has happened in America. We all love our country. We all want the best for it. Each of us believes the United States of America to be the best country in the world. (Just as people from other countries believe their country is the best in the world.) But we are divided, nearly fifty-fifty. That wouldn't be bad if we could only disagree with civility and find ways to work together. Well, we've rearranged our political playing field. Let us hope and pray for the success of these people - whether we voted for them or not. Supporting, not sniping, is the way to repair our damage and move forward.
A quick recheck shows no change in the senate race results. I don't envy the loser. This race was vicious, and I don't think the two top candidates like each other at all. One of them is going to have to give a nice concession speech - and then hurry to the bathroom to throw up. I wish we could get along.
It has always struck me as odd (since I began paying attention anyway) that we (Americans) pride ourselves on being the freest country in the world, yet we have never put a black man - or any woman - into the White House. Well, now we have. That milestone is now behind us. And whether Mr. Obama does well or poor will not matter, I think. I hope he does well. However, it cannot be denied that a good many Dr. Jekyll candidates become Mr. Hyde elected officials. Not all, and let us hope we saw the real Mr. Obama on the campaign trail. If so, it will be all right.
I read how many people in Europe and Asia are excited about this election, hoping Obama would win because it would mean the end of the Bush Administration. Well, that administration was coming to an end no matter who won this election. (I guess the French are already partying because of Bush's departure, not caring who wins.) But the election does not mark the end for Mr. Bush. So, for those who "hate" George Bush, I'm afraid you are still stuck with him for a couple months more. For those who "love" him, relish the months.
I'm still watching one final race in my state. The office of U.S. Senator is still undecided. Ten precincts have yet to complete vote tallies. There have been nearly 2.5 million votes cast and the top two candidates are separated by 1,118 votes. It is very representative of what has happened in America. We all love our country. We all want the best for it. Each of us believes the United States of America to be the best country in the world. (Just as people from other countries believe their country is the best in the world.) But we are divided, nearly fifty-fifty. That wouldn't be bad if we could only disagree with civility and find ways to work together. Well, we've rearranged our political playing field. Let us hope and pray for the success of these people - whether we voted for them or not. Supporting, not sniping, is the way to repair our damage and move forward.
A quick recheck shows no change in the senate race results. I don't envy the loser. This race was vicious, and I don't think the two top candidates like each other at all. One of them is going to have to give a nice concession speech - and then hurry to the bathroom to throw up. I wish we could get along.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election 2008
Well, I voted.
It wasn't easy to choose, except when a candidate was running unopposed. I don't vote for them. I figure they win by voting for themselves anyway. Mostly, those are judges.
I spoke with a man who stood ahead of me in line waiting to be allowed to enter the room wherein the voting took place. He languished about the process and swore that next year he would vote absentee. He said he makes the same vow every election.
I said that every election I swear I see no point in even voting. But every election I find myself standing in line awaiting my turn to cast my ballot. As much as my faith in the process has been assaulted I still come back. I'm cynical (I guess that comes with age), but I guess I haven't completely lost faith. If I had, I really should cease to vote. No. I believe I am like millions upon millions of others who have been blessed with the right to vote. I want to believe in the process more than I really do. There is so much doubt about it. Especially when reports air about dead people voting, and Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny. We learn real people being denied their right to vote. We read about people voting twice.
We need to believe the system works, despite inevitable corruption. We need to believe our voice has value, and so we vote. In all honesty, I cannot state for certain that voting works. I vote because I want to believe it does. That's what faith is. We go forward in spite of our doubts. We know corruption exists, but we trust that it exists in some other town or state. The people in my town would never behave so despicably. Would they?
Experience has taught me how to see through some of the crap politicians and especially the party loyalists throw around. Usually, this consists of a distortion of actual fact. One of the "biggees" this year is accusing one candidate of accepting big contributions from the evil banking industry. No mention is made, however, that the candidate supported by whoever is placing the ad also got big contributions from the banking industry. But this year things have been especially nasty. Candidates in this state have been having their homes vandalized with threatening messages spray painted on their garages and such. It isn't just one party, either. The loonies appear to be doling out their insanity with equal measure.
It isn't just the loonies, though. It's like just winning is no longer enough. The opponent must be destroyed in the process, so blatant lies are being told about everyone. I had someone telephone me from one of these campaign headquarters to tell me they wanted to talk to me about why I should vote for Whoever. I asked them why. They hung up. Someone else called me, but wouldn't identify the candidate they supported. What they wanted to know was whether I was voting Republican or Democrat. I told them the Republicans are mean and uncaring, and the the Democrats are emotional and stupid. They hung up.
I do not know who the best candidates are in this election. I know who I voted for, but I cannot say they were the best. It took a long time to decide, and I didn't decide on any race until I sat at the table with the ballot before me. No candidate in any race appears to fit my hope for the country. I guess my vision is just too naive. I miss the days of my youth. Back then, I knew everything. Now I know so little. (If you doubt me, just ask any young person and they'll tell you it's true.) But I want to believe. I have to believe.
Sometime tonight or tomorrow I will learn who the next president is. I will know who won the senate race and the congressional race. I will know who my state representative will be. If any, or all, of the people I voted for wins I will not rejoice. Neither will I moan if they lose. None of them represents me. Not really. Whoever wins, I only hope they will help make the next years better than the last. If they can help the country, hopefully that will make my life better, too.
Our systems are flawed and the people we elect to run those systems are flawed, but I wouldn't trade living here for the world. Every few years we get to try and make things better. Maybe this time we have. I hope so.
In God we trust. There is no other way.
It wasn't easy to choose, except when a candidate was running unopposed. I don't vote for them. I figure they win by voting for themselves anyway. Mostly, those are judges.
I spoke with a man who stood ahead of me in line waiting to be allowed to enter the room wherein the voting took place. He languished about the process and swore that next year he would vote absentee. He said he makes the same vow every election.
I said that every election I swear I see no point in even voting. But every election I find myself standing in line awaiting my turn to cast my ballot. As much as my faith in the process has been assaulted I still come back. I'm cynical (I guess that comes with age), but I guess I haven't completely lost faith. If I had, I really should cease to vote. No. I believe I am like millions upon millions of others who have been blessed with the right to vote. I want to believe in the process more than I really do. There is so much doubt about it. Especially when reports air about dead people voting, and Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny. We learn real people being denied their right to vote. We read about people voting twice.
We need to believe the system works, despite inevitable corruption. We need to believe our voice has value, and so we vote. In all honesty, I cannot state for certain that voting works. I vote because I want to believe it does. That's what faith is. We go forward in spite of our doubts. We know corruption exists, but we trust that it exists in some other town or state. The people in my town would never behave so despicably. Would they?
Experience has taught me how to see through some of the crap politicians and especially the party loyalists throw around. Usually, this consists of a distortion of actual fact. One of the "biggees" this year is accusing one candidate of accepting big contributions from the evil banking industry. No mention is made, however, that the candidate supported by whoever is placing the ad also got big contributions from the banking industry. But this year things have been especially nasty. Candidates in this state have been having their homes vandalized with threatening messages spray painted on their garages and such. It isn't just one party, either. The loonies appear to be doling out their insanity with equal measure.
It isn't just the loonies, though. It's like just winning is no longer enough. The opponent must be destroyed in the process, so blatant lies are being told about everyone. I had someone telephone me from one of these campaign headquarters to tell me they wanted to talk to me about why I should vote for Whoever. I asked them why. They hung up. Someone else called me, but wouldn't identify the candidate they supported. What they wanted to know was whether I was voting Republican or Democrat. I told them the Republicans are mean and uncaring, and the the Democrats are emotional and stupid. They hung up.
I do not know who the best candidates are in this election. I know who I voted for, but I cannot say they were the best. It took a long time to decide, and I didn't decide on any race until I sat at the table with the ballot before me. No candidate in any race appears to fit my hope for the country. I guess my vision is just too naive. I miss the days of my youth. Back then, I knew everything. Now I know so little. (If you doubt me, just ask any young person and they'll tell you it's true.) But I want to believe. I have to believe.
Sometime tonight or tomorrow I will learn who the next president is. I will know who won the senate race and the congressional race. I will know who my state representative will be. If any, or all, of the people I voted for wins I will not rejoice. Neither will I moan if they lose. None of them represents me. Not really. Whoever wins, I only hope they will help make the next years better than the last. If they can help the country, hopefully that will make my life better, too.
Our systems are flawed and the people we elect to run those systems are flawed, but I wouldn't trade living here for the world. Every few years we get to try and make things better. Maybe this time we have. I hope so.
In God we trust. There is no other way.
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