Political Buddies

Nearly twenty years ago I came to work for a small privately owned company as a documentation writer. It was one of the more uncreative jobs I have had. What I did was take hand-written notes which others put together and type them into the computer, formatting them appropriately. I was not allowed to change a word - even when the wording was incredibly stupid. Seeing the stupid documentation for other products I am inclined to accept that this is some sort of standard in the world.

Two cases in point.

The first was for a DOS version of Microsoft Word. This dates back to the 1980s. At that time I had never used Microsoft Word, so my manager gave me the manual. We opened up the software and read about how, from the Main Menu, we could do all of these wonderful things. But there was no Main Menu. Not on my screen. What was more, the documentation didn't explain anywhere how to access the Main Menu. Eventually, we just began pushing buttons, to see what would happen. We discovered that by pressing the ESC key, the Main Menu displayed. Very helpful.

The second instance actually took place a few years earlier, when I worked at the outgoing mail department for a major evangelist. I had been transferred to what was called the "utility crew". We drove fork lifts, drove truck, handled the dock, and kept the machines stocked with materials. I had only recently been promoted to truck driver. Just in time for the company to decide that their existing straight truck was no longer worth keeping. In truth, it wasn't a bad truck - if one knew how to drive it. But it had a poor clutch, and in order to shift from second to third gear one had to double-clutch. There were only three of us who were willing to do this. Everyone else would use the "if I push hard enough it will eventually work" method. The clutch was constantly being broken. And when top brass decided they could save a few bucks by using the company truck for personal transports, the old truck had to give way to a new one. Automatic transmission.

Have you any idea how stupid and ineffectual an automatic transmission is on a straight truck designed to haul 24,000 pounds? No matter. Not the point of what I'm trying to say. Suffice to say that I hated that truck. But I kept it in good condition. So it was with great sadness that I saw other drivers beat the living h*ll out of it. Including my boss, who broke the supposedly unbreakable guard at the back designed to prevent drivers from backing too close to certain docks. He just didn't understand that 20-m.p.h. was too fast to back up to a dock.

Anyway, the truck came with its own manual. I was ordered to read it. This was the very first thing I read: To open the door, hold onto the handle, push the button in with your thumb, and at the same time you're doing this, pull on the lever.

Someone actually felt it necessary to make that an instruction. My God, people. If a person lacks the understanding to open the door without explicit instructions my thinking is - DON'T TELL THEM HOW TO DO IT!

Back to my documentation days.

My boss was a wonderful man. Most of the time. To some people. He was an ultra conservative, which meant that he firmly believes God is a Republican. Whoever came up with this ridiculous notion is really going to be in for it when he/she stands before God at judgment. It's bad enough that they chose a political party for God to belong to. But that they chose the meanest and most hateful of all political parties only makes it worse. (Not that God would be any more pleased to be associated with the idiot Democrats. What a choice: Mean and intolerant; Stupid and unorganized; or the 3rd parties - Totally nuts.)

Ken was brilliant when it came to ideas. And if you were brilliant in any way he thought would help his career, he was brilliant in making your life better. For nearly three years that was me. Ken saw what I could do and promoted me, got me raises, and arranged for a very flexible and independent workplace for me. All of that suited me well and I thrived. Then Ken quit and went to work for another company. He wanted me to follow. The company I was at had no future so I figured, why not? It was a cut in pay, but I was assured that was temporary.

What I had not realized was that Ken was so d*mned political that - even before anyone met me - I was the most hated co-worker in the department. They didn't like Ken (he was the manager) and they certainly weren't going to like any "ringer" he brought in to show them up. So my department co-workers were ruthless in trying to get rid of me. I would have quit right off, except Ken had got me to promise I would stay for two years, and I hate to lie.

My problems only intensified when Ken realized that his purpose in bringing me to the new company could not be filled. He had to change plans. Those plans did not include me. Now, as wonderful as he had been when I was useful to him, he was terrible toward me because he no longer saw value. I was on my way out.

What saved me was a setup Ken and my co-workers assumed would be my death blow. You see, we were writing software, and the other programmers had done a horrible job. It wasn't all their fault. Ken was in charge of design, and Ken suffered from the disease of "Creaping Excellence". This is when one cannot pick a design and stay with it. Ken was constantly improving on what was - even when it hadn't been finished yet. The result: the most bug-ridden release in company history. The blame? I got it. I was new on the staff. No matter that I hadn't even worked on some of the worst areas of the program. It was my fault. The owner was unhappy with me, but she was a LOT nicer than anyone else in the company gave her credit for. Whereas Ken was considered this wonderful, honest, and nice man, Lori was considered ruthless, uncaring, and selfish. Wrong on both counts.

While the veteran programmers worked on fixing the mess, I was pulled off the project (so it could be done right) and given the secondary system to upgrade. My co-workers believed I would hang myself without their "help". Ken believed my co-workers. They left me alone to prove to Lori why I should be fired.

What happened was the secondary program was released with the fewest bugs in its history. And those which were there had always been there. Not only had I not created new problems, but I had actually repaired some old. My praises were being sung by everyone in the company - except those in programming.

Ken, true to form, shifted gears and I was back in his good graces. After two years without a pay increase, I finally began receiving the rewards I had been promised when I came.

What I learned, though, is that you cannot trust people who are political. None of them. They will support you only as long as they see you capable of helping them. Once that no longer appears true to them, they will turn on you. You are now an enemy. You are "evil". I find that conservatives seem to want to use that word a LOT. Everything which disagrees with them is "evil". There is no common ground. There is no middle ground. There is no compromise. My way, or the highway.

Eventually, I would fall out of good standing with Ken again. And finally, just before he was driven out of the company, regain it for a final time. Ken's last 'good deed' to me was to empty my personal file of everything he had put in it. A lot of what he had put in there was flat out lies. He destroyed it. When his replacement came on board, he showed my file. It was completely empty. Didn't even have my original application.

For that I guess I kind of owe Ken some gratitude. He gave me a clean slate to work with.

I feel bad about Ken. Were it not for his political nature he would be a great person. But that conservative politcs streak just made him mean and intolerant at times. He couldn't accept people who were not "like him". What a waste. I often wonder if he's learned anything through the years. Sometimes people like that do, you know. Sometimes.

Apparently not, though, if their name is Chaney or Bush or Pawlenty.

What a pity.