My Name is Nobody

Do not confuse my title with the 1973 movie of the same name starring Terrence Hill. If you're curious about it, here's the link. As movies go, it was all right.

No. What I am referring to is that I believe I have discovered my real name. Turns out I was really adopted after all. I had asked my Mother about it, trying to be clever, so as not to reveal my suspicions.

Mom, which of your children did you adopt?

What are you talking about? I adopted Nobody!

Nobody? Hmm.

Later, as I was growing up and would get together with other kids trying to decide what to do, I would offer suggestions.

Let's play baseball!

Aw! Nobody wants to play baseball.

Nobody? Hmm.

When teachers would (rarely) give the class a choice on something, such as which book to have read during story time.

Okay, Class. I have two books. One is Sea Pup, by Archie Binns. The other is Dull and Stupid, by Hecant Write. Now, who wants Sea Pup? (I would raise my hand) Nobody. Okay, we'll do Dull and Stupid.

When I left home and would go grocery shopping I learned that major decisions about products were being made based on my buying habits.

There used to be this wonderful spaghetti I would buy. It was quite long. So long, in fact, that it had to be bent in an incredibly long "U" shape. I loved it, despite the requirement of a large kettle in order to cook it. It came in five pound boxes and I would buy at least one box every month. Then, Cub Foods quit selling it. Desire overcame fear and I actually asked an employee about it. They didn't know anything. So I did what was for me unthinkable: I contacted the manufacturer. I was told they didn't make it anymore. Turns out, they discovered Nobody wanted it.

Nobody again. Hmm.

Same thing happened with Cream of Shrimp soup. Cub quit selling that, too. Having dared ask once, I asked again. This time I was shown to a manager who explained that Cub just couldn't afford to stock merchandise that Nobody wanted.

Still with the Nobody.

My son was laughing at me yesterday. (Why should Monday be different than the other days of the week?) I forget exactly what we were talking about, but then he pointed out that every time I start to really like something, whoever is responsible for making it - stops. My favorite television shows? Off the air because Nobody watched them. My favorite foods? No longer sold because Nobody bought them. My favorite pastimes? Others don't wish to participate because Nobody wants to do that.

Now I understand why President Obama is getting all this heat lately. Someone let it slip that Nobody voted for him.

It's just a matter of time before all visits to my blogs stop because people learn that Nobody wants to view these blogs. In fact, Nobody writes them!

Had I known all of this earlier I would have supported the Bush-Chaney ticket and spared the world a lot of grief.