One Plus One Plus Three Minus Four Equals One

Took another dose of humility yesterday. Went to the food shelf to get our allotment. My first time. And just when I thought I didn't have any pride left. Turns out I do. I know, because it took a hit and I felt it.

We're only allowed to use the shelf once a month. Other food shelves may have different rules. I don't know. I expect it's kind of based on how much food they have and how many people are coming to get it.

Got some bread stuffs, canned vegetables, cereal, meat, milk, and canned juice. I also took an acorn squash. I like acorn squash. Baked with butter.

There was a time, and it doesn't seem that long ago now, that we used to bring food to the shelf. In fact, we brought some with us. Spouse had gone to the store and bought a bag of sugar only to come back to the apartment and discover we didn't need sugar. So we donated it.

Don't much like going to the food shelf. Don't expect many do. That feeling actually contributed to our losing the house. You see, we didn't go, and that meant we were using our money to buy food instead of paying the house payment. But I don't know that it would have made much of a difference anyway. At best it would have delayed the inevitable.

I find it interesting that NONE of the government agencies set up to help the poor and needy have done a single thing for us. Every time we have applied for help we have been turned down. The food shelf is run by a local church. The only thing they check is when you last visited. They don't even care if you need their services. They provide them anyway. I know this because the one man who helped us carry the bags to the car told me so. He told me to 'give myself the pride talk' and come back next month. Probably will. Probably have to.

I expect those government agencies are actually helping someone, but it never ceases to amaze me how people who earn more than we do get all kinds of help while we're turned down time and again. Some people know how to walk the system and others don't.

Regarding the food shelf, we used to donate to it regularly. I remember Spouse didn't want to at first. Didn't see the need. You have to excuse the attitude, though. Spouse grew up in a tightly conservative environment and lived for years under the delusion that people suffered because it was their own fault, so let them suffer. I grew up in a different environment that said not everyone who suffers is suffering because of themselves. But even if they are, you help them if you can. That's how poor people get along. They help each other. Which is why I have also found it interesting that until Spouse sent letters off to the family, the only people trying to help were people from my environment who were pretty much in the same fix we're in.

Life is odd. If I could step back from it and observe it better perhaps I might be able to figure it out one day. For now, I'm just trying to survive. If that means letting the ego take another beating, so be it. Son has to eat.