I Fought the Turtle - And the Turtle Won

Stephen and I used to hang out by Cedar Creek a lot. Sometimes we would follow it downstream and enjoy the heat of day. Sometimes we would fish for carp, implementing the catch and release program because eating carp never occurred to us. I loved these times. Hanging out with Stephen was about the most wonderful thing I ever did.

Sometimes we would bring Randy along. Now Randy was about as serious and studious as Stephen was artistic and free. I often felt like the center between to extremes. Sometimes I found myself agreeing more with Randy, and sometimes I sided with Stephen. Randy had fun doing things which focused on thinking. Stephen had fun being physically creative.

I remember one day we had forced Randy to come with us to the creek. Randy wasn't keen on outdoor things and seldom had much fun on these excursions. But we liked him. He was part of our trio. (I always found it fascinating that the first initial of our last names made up my initials. I'm sure it wasn't significant, but it always intrigued me.) So we would make him come along on some of our escapades. He, in turn, would force us to do things we found frightfully dull.

We stayed only an hour or so. Randy just wasn't having a good time and was getting crabbier and crabbier by the moment. Unfortunately for Randy, his mood had annoyed Stephen to the point where Stephen was now deliberating doing things to antagonize him. Stephen could get this way. He did it to me a lot. Most of the time it resulted in me laughing and getting over my mood. But that was because I loved him. Randy's affections did not run so deep and so he only got angrier. Finally, I suggested we go find a good pizza place. We had three we frequented. Randy was always up for a good pizza and so we started back.

On our way we chanced to spot a giant snapping turtle trying to reach the creek from a spot of tall grass. Having never seen such a large reptile in the wild before Stephen and I immediately became engrossed with it. The turtle, seeing us as threats to its well-being found a nearby puddle and began to dig itself down, dropping lower and lower from the surface.

Stephen wanted to see more of it, so he got a good-sized stick and set it before the turtle. The turtle obliged by biting it and Stephen began to pull it out of the pond. The turtle, having more sense than either Stephen or I, realized it was losing it protection and let go. Undeterred, Stephen and I continued efforts to get the turtle out of its hole and out where we could get a good look at it. In our brilliance we failed to recognize that the turtle was now quite p*ssed off and was more than willing to come out of that hole to let us know about it. As it began its own assault Randy had had enough. He started to walk away.

"Can't you just leave it alone? It isn't hurting anyone?"

That was what he said, but Randy wasn't paying any attention to the turtle he was walking past. The thing hissed like a snake and lunged (as only a turtle can do) for Randy's leg. Its long neck stretch out and its mouth gaped wide. Randy escaped by perhaps a finger's width. I looked at Stephen and guessed my eyes were as wide as his. The turtle, having made up its mind to deal with stupidity head on continued its assault. Stephen backed off and ran around to where I was kneeling. When the turtle turned I got up and Stephen and I followed Randy to the car.

Then I got to sit and listen while Randy and Stephen had one of their many arguments all the way to J's Pizza. Once there, the argument, the turtle, and bad things in general disappeared. It was time to relax and have fun.

Memory. It's kind of like time travel, isn't it? I remember those days, and when the memory ends I realize I'm feeling like I was there. Maybe in some sense of the word I have gone back. Maybe that's why I cling so desperately to my past. I can relive it almost at will.

The Magic Three, as I called us, are separated now, except in memory.

Oh, I never mucked about with snapping turtles again.