Women Being Hurt

Here is a story to vent about. Read this. If it upsets you, I hope you are upset for the right reasons and not for the wrong. What are the wrong reasons? Well, to put it simply, if you are thinking that the fact Muzzammil Hassan, the man accused of the crime, is associated with the Muslim faith then you are thinking wrongly.

One of the sweetest, nicest, prettiest, most intelligent, girls in my graduating class was murdered by her husband. He beat her to death with a baseball bat. He was associated with the Christian faith.

A relative of mine, from northern Minnesota, was murdered by her husband. They were Chippewa Indians.

When I worked at a small town newspaper, a woman in one of the towns we covered called police and said her ex-husband threatened to come to her house and kill her. She was told the police could not do anything because the accusation was "hearsay evidence". Her ex-husband would first have to commit a crime. He did. He showed up at the woman's house and shot her, her sister and their children.

These are not isolated incidents. And they have nothing to do with being a Christian, Muslim, Jew, Native American, Buddist, or what have you. What is more, these crimes are not restricted to "other nations". All of the crimes I related - except the linked one which started this post - took place in Minnesota.

This is not a new phenomena. Here are a couple of excerpts from a book my grandmother gave to me a few years ago. It is titled, Coffee Made Her Insane. It is a compilation of newspaper clippings from 100 years of Minnesota newspapers, beginning in 1840, by Peg Meier.

Fred Robertson, a resident of Blackduck, was brought down to the county jail this morning and will live at that institution for forty days athe enforced guest of Sheriff Bailey. Robertson has, according to the proof advanced in justice court at Blackduck, been absorbed of late in the misguided pastime of beating his wife, which his better half finally resented and made complaint to the authorities, with the result that Robertson was sentenced to serve forty days in the county jail for his exhibition of physical prowess. Bemidji Pioneer. June 27, 1907

I had meant to include two exerpts, but I can't find the one. That's the trouble with looking for a four-, or five-sentence article in a book of hundreds of articles.

I do not claim to know the answer to this problem. It's a massive problem, and it's world-wide. That it is world-wide is a major concern. My only solution is to start in my own home. Spouse and I have a son. One of our efforts throughout his life, and which will continue, is to teach him non-violent ways to deal with things. Spouse and I do not hit each other. Never have. We get angry enough - we cry. Both of us. Embarassing? Maybe. But it doesn't hurt anyone. Another tact is to simply leave the room. The other will wait perhaps fifteen minutes and then seek out the departee. Subsequent dialogue is generally calm.

We do not hit Son either. But then, we have been especially blessed. Son is quite mannerly and non-combative. He's now reaching the age of teenager, so that may change a bit. We've warned him about emotional changes on the way due to physical and social changes, and encourage him to simply remember his manners when getting angry.

This will not stop men like Muzzammil Hassan, but it may stop one boy from becoming another one like him. Perhaps if we can teach and show our sons of today how to deal with frustration, disappointment, betrayal, and other things which historically spur violence, maybe they can have the character to overcome any desire to do violence. Another thing we show Son are various ways to express emotion physically in order to expel it. That's important. Supppressing emotion will not work. It must be expressed. Crying is one way, but some people have too much pride for that. So run. Get on a treadmill if the weather is bad. Go to a batting cage and express your feelings on an inanimate object. Hit a tennis ball, or a golf ball. Play strong music. Sing loudly. Scream, if you have to. There are a lot of ways to express emotion without becoming violent. We need to teach our boys this truth. No matter our faith.

There is another terrible consequence to this particular incident. It is the (I suppose inevitable) consequence that decent and innocent Muslims now feel compelled to defend themselves and their faith from false accusations that this is what the Quran teaches. Annonymous voices use this incident simply as an excuse to launch verbal, written, and sometimes physical assaults on others. All of us who have faith have had to undergo this at one time or another. Priests, Pastors, and other clergy found guilty of child molestation bring shame to Christianity, which happens to be my faith. The Bible no more teaches child molestation than the Quran teaches wife beating and murder. To say otherwise is to simply confirm that you are predisposed to find fault.

Stop finding fault! Help find a solution. We need to take care of each other. That's what Jesus wanted. I believe that's what Mohammed wanted. That's what Moses wanted. It's what God wants, people. Let's do that, and quit hurting each other.

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