Signs of Aging

It seems to me I recall someone saying a long time ago that one of the signs of aging was that so many family and friends just aren't around any more. That is certainly part of it, so if no one said it before I will say it now.

Today I spoke with my younger sister for the first time in more than a year. The truth is, I don't recall the last time we spoke. It may have been at Mother's 80th birthday party. That would put it at about 30 months. That's a long time for siblings who aren't even fighting to not speak with each other.

Helvie and I are just eleven months apart in age. We used to look a lot alike, before I gained so much weight. Helvie took better care of herself in that regard. On the other hand, she damaged herself with alcohol and things like that. Whatever.

I called her today. You see, I heard yesterday that Helvie's best friend in the entire world died yesterday afternoon. I figured Helvie would be upset, despite that fact that her friend was on a nearly year-long death bed from cancer. She didn't answer the phone when I called so I left a message. Then I fell asleep and didn't answer the phone when she called back. Spouse checked voice mail and told me it was Helvie. So I called again and had to leave another message. Helvie called back and we talked for about two hours or more.

She was very upset at first, but by the time we had finished speaking she seemed to be all right. Sue wasn't Helvie's only recent loss. Sue's husband was found dead in his driveway just four or five months ago. Her younger sister died in January. Her father's health is such that he will probably not live the year.

Helvie asked me if I would be attending the funeral. I could hear the hope in her voice. Were it not for that I would not go. I have not been in contact with people from our childhood in a good many years. Sue used to be my friend, too, but that was more than thirty years ago. It's been even longer for some of the other names Helvie brought up who she continues to see regularly.

Helvie has not been in much contact with her biological family over the past few years. In fact, Mother is upset because Helvie has not contacted her since learning Mother has cancer and requires surgery. I think it's just too much for her. She confessed to me that she adopted Sue's family as her own, and even calls Sue's father, Dad. She has lived with and watched that family die off, one by one. As many deaths as I have had to face in the past eight years, Helvie has had to face more. For the only death I have had to face which Helvie has not was Stephen's. And Helvie knew Stephen, too. Kind of like I knew Sue.

Helvie is grateful that Sue no longer has to suffer, but she confesses that life will be lonely now. I told her I understand, and explained how it was with Stephen and me. She had the same kind of relationship with Sue. Some time over this past year they actually went to far to tell each other, "I love you." They aren't gay. Helvie said in the forty-plus years they've known each other they only hugged once. Just a few months ago.

Sometimes I get to feeling sorry for myself. I've made mistakes and I'm paying for them longer than I think I should. People I care about are gone. Others have rejected me. But no matter how sorry I get to feeling about me, I never have to go far to find someone who envies me my trouble. Today, I only have to go so far as my sister.