A Baker's Sixteen

Okay. I wasn't careful. I went and got myself tagged. Should have used protection. Well, we can all be foolish once. I know. I've done it more times than any. If you expect you'll ever need a fool, just bookmark one of my blogs.

So, the assignment was to list 16 random things about myself. When I inquired regarding the content of the random things I got no answer. So I guess I get to choose. Can they really still be considered random? Whatever. Here they are.

1. I’m the second shyest person I’ve ever known.
. .a. My sister, Lynahr, is the shyest.
. .b. We didn’t even have senior class pictures
. . . taken.
. .c. I don’t recall anyone asking for mine
. . . anyway.
. .d. Hate having my picture taken.
. .e. Never turn out right.
. .f. They look just like me.
2. I like stuffed animals
. .a. I treat them like they’re alive.
. .b. Even now.
. .c. They’re soft.
3. I have an electric bass guitar.
. .a. It’s for left-handed players.
. .b. I was born left-handed.
. .c. Back then that was considered a disability.
. .d. It had to be corrected.
. .e. They made me be right-handed.
. .f. Worked for some things.
. .g. Not for others.
. .h. Now I’m semi-ambidextrous.
4. I have a rabbit’s foot.
. .a. My other foot is normal.
. .b. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
5. I once sang a song over the radio.
. .a. “Your Song”, by Elton John.
. .b. I wanted to dedicate it.
. .c. I didn’t.
. .d. I was afraid.
. .e. Just as well.
. .f. They didn’t come to the concert anyway.
. .g. Didn’t listen to it on the radio either.
. .h. They found me irritating.
6. Twice I got standing ovations for performing.
. .a. Both times for leaving the stage early.
. .b. Not really.
. .c. Just kidding.
. .d. I DID get two standing ovations.
. .e. One for singing.
. .f. Another for a stage performance.
. .g. It was one of the happiest moments in my
. . . life.
. .h. Lasted about fifteen minutes.
. .i. No one remembers except me now.
. .j. Fame IS fleeting.
7. I brag that I always tell the truth.
. .a. I’m a liar.
. .b. I don’t always tell the truth.
. .c. Sometimes I don’t tell anything.
. .d. Once –
. .e. When I was maybe eight years old –
. .f. I had a fight with my sister Judayl.
. .g. Judayl is eight years older than me.
. .h. Judayl won the fight.
. .i. I hated myself for losing again.
. .j. So I took magic marker and wrote on my
. . . walls.
. .k. "Bevie is a sh*t”.
. .l. All over.
. .m. Only I didn’t use a *.
. .n. I used the letter “i”.
. .o. Later that day Mother stormed upstairs.
. .p. She was mad.
. .q. Again.
. .r. Saw my walls.
. .s. Asked me who did it.
. .t. I was afraid to say.
. .u. I said nothing.
. .v. Gayanne and Helvie said Judayl and I had
. . . been fighting.
. .w. Mother asked Judayl if she did it.
. .x. Judayl said I had done it.
. .y. Mother slapped Judayl for lying.
. .z. Then she slapped Judayl for writing on my
. . . walls.
. .aa. I never told anyone the truth.
. .bb. Not for thirty years.
. .cc. Everyone teased Judayl for being stupid.
. .dd. Accusing me of writing on my own walls.
. .ee. Eventually, Judayl believed she HAD done
. . . .it.
. .ff. Finally fessed up about five years ago.
8. I’ve turned down raises three times in my life.
. .a. Sounds stupid, huh?
. .b. Almost did it four times.
. .c. But the last company kicked my *ss out the
. . . door.
. .d. “Eliminated the position”.
. .e. Probably “reinstated” it the next day.
. .f. The first time I refused a raise they made
. . . me take it.
. .g. They knew why I was refusing it.
. .h. It was my way of telling them they were
. . . *ssholes.
. .i. I refused again the next year.
. .j. They let me.
. .k. The other company didn’t have the money
. . . anyway.
9. My Daddy is the greatest man I have ever known.
. .a. And that includes William Powell.
. .b. AND Humphrey Bogart.
. .c. AND John Wayne.
. .d. AND George Harrison.
. .e. Pretty impressive, right?
. .f. Well, maybe not.
. .g. But I love my Daddy.
. .h. Never called him Daddy when he was here.
. .i. Didn’t want to get hit.
. .j. Called him Dad.
. .k. Actually, Daddy only hit me five times
. . . that I can remember.
. .l. Deserved it every time.
. .m. Mother hit me all the time.
. .n. Don’t think I ever deserved it.
. .o. Maybe sometimes.
. .p. Yeah. Sometimes.
10. I wish that I could fly.
. .a. Not in an airplane.
. .b. Or helicopter.
. .c. Or anything else like that.
. .d. Like Superman/Supergirl.
. .e. Only one problem.
. .f. I’m afraid of heights.
11. I love castles.
. .a. Never been in one.
. .b. Never been close to one.
. .c. Love to go to England.
. .d. Or Scotland.
. .e. Ireland.
. .f. Germany.
. .g. Denmark.
. .h. Wish I could visit a real castle.
. .i. Wish I could live in one.
. .j. Probably freeze my *ss off.
12. I can trace my ancestry to the King of Denmark.
. .a. Along with about a million other people.
. .b. Still, it’s kind of cool.
. .c. Back in the early 1800s or late 1700s –
. .d. The King was “friendly” with one of the
. . . servants.
. .e. It was a girl.
. .f. She gave birth to a baby boy.
. .g. My great-somethingth-grandfather.
. .h. The King acknowledged the baby as his.
. .i. Kicked the mother out of the country.
. .j. When the boy turned eighteen, the mother –
. .k. Was able to arrange a meeting.
. .l. It would be the only time they would ever
. . . meet.
. .m. My great-somethingth-grandfather was on his
. .n. Way to America.
. .o. Running away.
. .p. Didn’t want to join the military.
. .q. Afraid.
. .r. That’s what he passed down to me.
. .s. S.O.B.
13. Had another relative in England.
. .a. He tried to take over the throne.
. .b. Lost.
. .c. Fled to Canada.
. .d. I think his offspring must have married the
. .e. Coward from Denmark’s offspring.
. .f. Producing me. [smiles]
. .g. So don’t worry if I try to take over.
. .h. Got no history of success at it.
14. I love Chinese food.
. .a. REAL Chinese food.
. .b. Made by REAL Chinese cooks.
. .c. Used to frequent this restaurant when I
. . . worked in Edina.
. .d. Great food.
. .e. Great cooks.
. .f. Couldn’t understand a word they said.
. .g. They couldn’t understand me.
. .h. Why they did the cash register I don’t know.
. .i. We would stand and talk to each other –
. .j. Louder and slower –
. .k. As if that was going to do any good.
. .l. Then one of the daughters/sons would come.
. .m. Then I knew how much I owed.
. .n. I always came back.
. .o. Gained about 5,000 pounds eating there.
. .p. It was worth it. [smiles]
15. I like Italian food, too.
. .a. Especially pasta.
. .b. And pasta fagioli.
. .c. I can usually understand the cooks.
. .d. Gained 10,000 pounds eating Italian.
. .e. I can cook Italian.
. .f. You should try my lasagne.
. .g. Cost nearly $30 to make.
. .h. Back in 1983.
. .i. Very good.
. .j. VERY good.
. .k. Haven’t had it in ten years.
. .l. Don’t have $30.
. .m. Probably $50 now.
16. I generally disagree with the majority.
. .a. Raquel Welch was NOT pretty.
. .b. Stephen King’s books s*ck.
. .c. Star Wars was poorly made.
. .d. Liked it, though.
. .e. There isn’t a single current television
. . . show worth watching.
. .f. Pro Wrestling is fixed.
. .g. So is Pro Basketball.
. .h. AND Pro Football.
17. In my own imagination I am pretty.
. .a. That’s why I don’t have mirrors in my house.
. .b. The last thing I need is a reality check.

Yes, I can count. I just tossed in the last. Just because. It makes up for the rabbit's foot.

Y'all have a good day now. Y'hear?