Does Harassing People Really Generate Money

I am not a telephone person. Never have been. There have been several times in my life when I lived without one. Never had one when I was single. Went a couple of years without one after I got married. Cost me a promotion once. Big deal. It was worth it.

The telephone is the one thing we have in our homes which we do not seem to have for our own convenience. Apparently, we have it for the convenience of other people. I have had the following conversation more than once in my life.

Bevie. Where were you last night?

Home.

No, you weren't.

Yes, I was.

But I called you! No one answered.

Oh, that was you? Yeah, I heard the phone ring.

Why didn't you answer it?

I was busy.

Doing what?

I don't know. Something. Can't remember now.

Yell, yell, yell. Snipe, snipe, snipe. Why do you even have a telephone if you won't answer it?

After at least one of those conversations I actually did cancel the telephone. In fact, the only reason I have a telephone now is because of Son. If ever I need to dial 911 for help I need to be able to do it. Actually did once. That was a scary time, but it turned out all right.

Last year I never answered the telephone. Nearly every call was from a bank representative, calling to tell us we were losers, equivalent to criminals, and that we'd better come up with money. Of course they were willing to help. "Pay us what you owe us and we'll leave you alone." Well, we were never able to do that, so they helped out in a different way: They foreclosed on us. No more telephone calls. Cool.

Since then I do answer the telephone - most of the time. Spouse's work kind of requires it. Unfortunately, our calls are seldom related to Spouse's work. Generally, our calls can be grouped as follows:

• Personal calls to myself - 0%
• Personal calls to Son - 0.5%
• Personal calls to Spouse - 10% (usually a sister)
• Work calls for Spouse - 10% (please, can you work for me)
• Calls for our gift business to buy inventory - 10%
• Calls for us to borrow money - 30%
• Calls for our gift business to borrow money - 39.5%

Nearly all of our incoming calls are from the same people (computers). I've lost count of the number of "this is your final opportunity to take advantage of this fantastic deal" calls I've taken. Some of them are actually from real people in real time. We tell them not to call us again and they apologize and say they will take care of it. Generally, this results in two calls a day instead of one for the next week. The calls only reduce in number if one hangs up. This is for real people and not computer calls.

Last spring I got a call from the lawn service which used to do our yard. They did an excellent job, but we saw no reason to spend hundreds of dollars on a yard for house which we were being thrown out of. So I told them we had lost the house and were not interested. The guy told me how terribly sorry he was to hear that. Then he added, "But if you should need lawn care where you're going, do give us a call." Uh-huh.

Well, Monday of this week I get another call from the same lawn service company.

Hi. I was just wondering what your plans were for your yard for the remainder of the year.

Well, as I told you last March, we have been foreclosed on. We don't have any plans for the yard.

Oh, I'm sorry. But if you should change your mind do let us know.

Right. Well, yesterday I get yet another call from the lawn service company, wondering what my plans are for the yard this fall. I explained again the situation and added the following.

You know, I do wish you people would keep accurate and up-to-date records. I told you last March we had lost the house. I told you again yesterday. Now I'm telling you again. Do you understand this is really annoying?

It took a lot of effort, but I thought I was quite polite. Tomorrow when they call, I won't be.