So, it's going to be one of "those days" today. Started a post and deleted it. Been here and done this before. Several times.
Today we return to our garage sale, and if I wasn't enthused about it last week, today makes last week seem like Mardi Gras. (An interesting analogy as I have never been to Mardi Gras.) But I'm not enthused. Probably because this week marks another ending. Starting on Monday we have to shift gears. Got some doctor things to get done. Hate those.
The first visit, on Monday, is really going to s*ck. It's with the sleep apnea doctor. I'm going at the insistence of my heart doctor, who is convinced I have sleep apnea (because my heart has begun to swell) and insists I get the effing machine to help me breath through the night so I'll "sleep better". Right. Wore that effing machine a few years back. Hate it. Never slept so poorly in my life. But doctors don't give a sh*t about that. All they care about is what they know. They know what keeps a person alive, but they haven't a clue about what makes a person happy. Just being alive doesn't do it. I'm sorry. It doesn't.
Next week we need to begin looking in earnest for a place to live. Hate that, too. After all, it's not like we've got any money to live anyplace nice. When the choices are between two kinds of cr*p, does it really matter anymore? But it has to be done.
Health and home. They both kind of s*ck right now. And there are indications I might be losing my online home, too. My computer refused to reboot over the night and this morning. I finally got it to run (obviously), but I'm concerned it's dying, too. My possessions, my body, life in general, seems to be in a constant state of decay.
Oh, good! I just looked out the window and see that it's raining. There's nothing like having a garage sale in the rain. We'll be packing 'em in for sure.
Oh, well. It could be worse, you know. I know this is true because things keep getting worse. Every year since our personal financial collapse I have believed things would get better. And every year things have gotten a little worse. This year is no different. I am convinced that something good is going to happen. I have felt it coming for years, and this year I feel it stronger than ever. Whatever it is I not only hope it is truly wonderful but that it also gets here soon. I've pretty much run out of sustaining energy. Today, I'll be going through the motions. In the rain.
6 comments:
I'm sorry that you've got so much bad stuff going on at the moment.
Wow. Best thing that ever happened to me was getting diagnosed with apnea and getting that CPAP machine. I have "moderate" sleep apnea and was waking up about 240 times a night according to the brain scans. I feel so much better now.
I know some people have problems with the CPAP, but I did not. Perhaps you just need to get a better mask; or perhaps you have the combination type apnea where it's not just a physical problem but something else that the positive air flow doesn't address?
In any case, hope all the doctor stuff goes well.
Gee, Bevie, I've had a CPAP since 2000 and feel like it's really improved my life. I was so bad I couldn't stay awake at work and even hallucinated. They have better air-flow delivery systems now. Approach it positively, it might be just the boost you need.
Good luck
good luck with the machine - Try to tell yourself it helps - that is, if you really must use it, changing the attitude is the only thing that can help.
I was looking at some of the rental prices where I live, - heck, it's nearly the same (a bit more at times) to rent than it is to own! I guess it also depends on when the house was purchased.
Sorry you're down, Bevie. Totally understandable with all you've been through, of course.
My daughter had sleep apnea from enlarged tonsils/adenoids. Never had allergies or sore throats--big tonsils/adenoids just seem to run in my husband's family. I tried everything to avoid the surgery because it scared me so much to turn my then 6 year old daughter over to a surgeon for any reason. But ultimately watching her gasp for air scared me even more. It was like a pause and then a gasp. I had her sleeping with me and I would spend most of the night turning her on her side or moving her around or sometimes just opening her mouth and saying, "Breathe!"
The night she had the surgery she slept so peacefully--it still amazes me to see the difference. So I know the machine probably takes some getting used to but I really do believe that sleep apnea is a serious thing. I guess what I'm saying is not to be so hard on the doctor who wants this for you. :)
Hang in there! Have you had any time to do anything with your query?
Thank you, everyone for your comments and feelings of good will. I'm not addressing each in turn because I'm still exhausted from the sale yesterday. It went very well, but it took a lot out of me. Now I've only a few minutes before having to start again.
I've had the CPAP machine before, and it did not help me sleep. It made my sleep worse. The reason is because I toss and turn all night. Always have. And being hooked to the machine makes things worse.
The last time I had the machine I used it for two months. I quit using it when I woke in the middle of the night and found myself clawing at my face to get it off.
I expect for people with serious sleep apnea issues the machine is a godsend. And I'm glad you got surgery for your little girl, Jennifer. There is no terror like seeing one's child suffering.
Regarding the query, I've had plenty of time to get it ready before the garage sale. Just have a mental block about it. I'll have to get to it after the sale now.
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