A Country Rube on City Streets

Both Randy and Stephen loved to drive in Minneapolis. I hated it. I was not then (and am not now) a city person whatsoever. But I'm not as "country" as I used to be either. Stephen and Randy lived in the country but loved the city. Whenever they drove it seemed inevitable that we would find ourselves driving down Hennepin Avenue, or somewhere in the warehouse district. Hennepin Avenue was bad enough for me, but the warehouse district was downright scary. Especially at night.

What would be especially funny about my fear of the city was that in the late 1970s I would find myself working at 13th and Hennepin from noon until nine at night. Then I would have to walk from 13th to eighth and Hennepin to catch the bus home. Although never assaulted, I was accosted a few times by panhandlers. And I learned to walk on the opposite side of the street from Mousey's. Mousey's was a bar from which several prositutes operated. It burned down, purportedly from arson, in 1980. The women used to take their jackets off and wave them at me like bullfighters taunting the bull. Only this bull never charged. (It was cash only in those days.) I still recall sitting at the bus stop one night when some guy plops down right next to me. He was so close I thought he was going to sit in my lap. Before I could react his arm was around me and he was whispering in my ear: Hey. Do you want a twenty-five dollar chocolate bar?

The offer was so incredible I actually looked at him instead of pulling away. He had the most odd smile on his face. My look had to have revealed my ignorance (stupidity) because he repeated his question. Then he glanced over his shoulder, causing me to do the same. There, standing behind him, was a very cute young girl with big brown eyes looking at me. Although slow, I finally understood the gist of his question. In that brief moment we shared eye contact, and I felt so sorry for her. The guy shook my shoulder and I turned back to him.

I don't have twenty-five dollars.

Poof! He was gone. And so was she.

That's what Hennepin Avenue was like in those days. Might still be like that for all I know. Sitting there waiting for the bus I saw lots of pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers and the like. Don't think gangs were a problem back then. I never had any problem in that regard anyway. And the prositutes weren't really a problem. Embarassing was more like it. They were not afraid of anything as a topic of conversation, and they didn't care who overheard. I suppose they got a kick out of seeing someone like me turn five shades of red while they stood where I couldn't help but see and hear them and talk about what kind of underwear they were (or were not) wearing. I was pretty much a rube.

Stephen and Randy loved being around this. Made me uncomfortable. I had no real clue on how to function in such a society, so I avoided the city when I drove. But when Stephen and Randy were driving we wound up at Hennepin Avenue. Or the warehouse district.

I recall one evening. It was kind of late. We were bored. It was still too early for us to make our appearance at the local J's Pizza, so Stephen drove to Minneapolis. We're scooting about through the warehouse district when I see something that concerned me. I sat up.

Turn right!

Obediently, Stephen made the right turn.

Turn right again.

Stephen did so.

Turn right again.

Again, Stephen cooperated without question. I looked, but what I had seen was gone. Stephen now voiced his curiosity.

What did you see?

There were these two girls. They were backed up to a wall. It looked like a couple of guys were harassing them.

And just what did you expect us to do about it? Who do you think we are anyway? Starsky and Hutch? C'mon, Bevie. We'd be afraid of the girls.

Oh. Yeah. Well, they're gone now anyway.

They were probably together.

I suppose.

Well I'm getting out of here before you find some way to get us into trouble. Let's go.

That was fine with me. I hadn't wanted to be there in the first place. In that place one never knew what was going on. But then I was always clueless about things like that.

I was such a rube.