Early in the Morning

According to the three clocks which are visible from where I now sit it is about ten minutes past four in the morning. I have been up since shortly after midnight.

It is now 4:35 a.m. and I have just deleted everything I wrote after the second sentence. I don't know that I want to say that after all. Not now. Not yet.

Suffice to say, I am not feeling joyful. Yes, it is Thanksgiving, at least, in the United States. It is a time to be thankful, and I do have a lot to be thankful for. But I was counting on being alone today, and now that is not going to happen. My relatives are the most wonderful people I know, but I wanted to be alone. I have missed most family functions over the past few years, and no one has minded. But my son wants to go, and the relatives all love having him visit, so we're going. The only time I have attended any functions these past years has been when he wants to go. If it doesn't matter to him, we stay home. It's not so lonely then.

Change of Subject

I have been reading the Evil Editor blog, going back in its history. Many of the blog's comments make me laugh out loud, but there was one I found amusing which sticks in my head. I didn't laugh. It wasn't funny. Just amusing.

Somehow, one of the Minions was prompted into revealing the size of his hands, including fingers. He boasted (he didn't brag) about how large they were. The reason I found his boast of large amusing is because his hands aren't that much larger than the smallest person in my family. My hands are certainly larger.

When they were all living, my family consisted of nine members: mother, father (now deceased), three sons and four daughters (one now deceased). I did some calculating and discovered our family's average height was 6' 1". The average height of the men: 6' 3", with the tallest standing 6' 6". The average height of the women: just under 6' 0", with the tallest standing 6' 4". All of the men, and two of the women have larger hands than the Minion who sees himself as large. But it's a matter of perspective. I've heard of families for which the shortest height is 6' 6". In comparisson, that makes my family seem like a bunch of shorties.

Shift Back

It's after five now. I'm still feeling sorry for myself (the diversion didn't work). It would be pitiful, if it wasn't so disgusting. Only I just can't help wondering when things are going to really change for the better. Since the bottom fell out of my life I have seen no lasting success. I try, and I fail. I try again, and again I fail. Nothing works. I've tapped out my strengths and I'm fast losing the energy to try again. People don't like to hear that. People want to hear about overcoming despair, not wallowing in it. Well, when I've finally put it behind me, I'll let the world know - perhaps. In the meantime, I guess I would rather show good manners - and spare others the annoyance of being around me while I helplessly struggle to survive - by staying home. But I've failed to even achieve that.

All bitterness and self-loathing aside, I hope this Thanksgiving Day is a happy one for you - even if you don't call it Thanksgiving Day. It's still a day, and every day offers new hope. I expect mine will be better than I've intimated.

Have a good day.

(It's 5:35 a.m. now)