Quickmud

I write a lot about Stephen. It only seems natural to do so. He was an excellent friend.

But before Stephen I had others I did things with. Not so much at home, but at school. Ricky and Terry are my earliest friends, from when I was five. I met Chris and Tommy when I was six. Gary was when I was seven. Met Tim two years before Stephen. Dana was the same year as Tim. Dana got into drugs. Wanted me to join him. When I refused, telling him he was stupid for trying them, he turned on me and we were never friends again. I'm not sure, but I think drugs killed him.

Probably, though, the most obnoxious friend I ever had was Berny. Berny's family was something of a carbon copy of my own. A lot of kids (my parents had seven, I believe Berny's parents had five), and many of them matched up age wise. Berny was my age, and his sister, Heather, was Gayanne's age.

Berny was loud, not very gifted, physically, mentally, or creatively. But he liked to have fun without getting into trouble, and that suited me well. Most of all, he was willing to be my friend. Perhaps us both coming from poorer families helped. Those with more money tended to look down on us because we didn't wear nice clothes or have the new fancy gadgets. I had the added distinction of smelling like fuel oil from October to April. It was my job to fill the heaters every morning and evening.

Berny and I did not always get along. He was just so obnoxious. Of course, my saying that is a little like the goat telling the hog he's smelling up the barnyard. But Berny's stupidity also made him a bit pitiful. At least, to me it did. His sister didn't think so. And others loved to torment him. Me, being the strongest in my grade (and in fact strongest in the next two grades up), often acted as much like Berny's bodyguard as a friend. That was my unofficial job on the playground. When I saw anyone being picked on I would show up and thrash whoever was doing the harassment. I used to take on as many as four at a time. By the time I was in fourth grade if I told someone to knock it off, they did.

There is one image of Berny which never leaves me for long. It happened in the spring, when the snow was melting but it was still cold and wet. The ground was thawing, and so we kids were able to make "quickmud". I'll explain it to you, but I'm sure you made it yourself. Probably just called it something different.

Quickmud was made by finding a grassless patch of ground which was very wet - possibly with a small amount of standing water. The ground could not be packed hard or quickmud was not possible. We would stand in the middle with our feet side-by-side and begin stepping in place, churning the dirt and mixing it with the water. Eventually, the ground would become like pudding and the stepper would begin to sink.

Well, Berny and I found a place next to a large cement slab which protected an access to whatever was underground. We, and about a half dozen others, began having contests to see who could go the deepest - and still get out.

Berny had the lead for a while, but I was determined to beat him. Both Berny and I were wearing these high rubber boots, which is one reason why we could go deeper than most of the others. The other reason is we weren't nearly so smart.

Well, I got down to about one inch below the tops of my boots. I almost didn't get out. My foot came out, but my boot remained. After about ten minutes I was able to extract it. Gayanne and Heather were there and both remarked how stupid I was to risk losing my boot like that. I didn't care. I was winning. In fact, I believed I had won. But I hadn't counted on Berny actually being more stupid than me.

He went down until the mud was nearly flush with his boot. I kept warning him that he wasn't going to get it out, but he wouldn't listen. Sure enough, when he tried pulling his feet out, he couldn't budge. At first that was funny. It was still funny when his feet finally pulled free, leaving his boots behind. It continued to be funny when he couldn't pull his boots out. When it became apparent the boots were continuing to sink (and now filling with mud) it ceased to be funny. When the bell rang, signalling us to go back inside, he began to panic.

Heather and Gayanne, being two years older, both tried to extract Berny's boots, but were unable. Finally, Heather just made a comment to her brother and they left. Eventually, it was just Berny and me. He was nearly hysterical. I wanted to get to class and avoid trouble, but I just couldn't leave Berny. He was completely lost in his panic. Besides, I was convinced the boots could come out - if we just did it properly. So I stayed.

Eventually, we were able to get both boots out. They were both filled to the brim with mud. Once they were free and he was pouring the mud out Berny was laughing again. That was another reason I liked Berny. He could laugh at things. He put his boots back on over his muddy stockings and we walked back inside. We got in trouble for being late.

A couple of years later Berny's family moved away. I wonder whatever happened to him. Probably holding public office some place overseeing the banking industry.