In Times of Weakness

Well, I did call it on Friday. It was a pip of a day, and it carried over to Saturday.

I never fully recovered from my thoughts about my father on Friday. Even so, the day was progressing nicely - until I saw my query which I had sent to Evil Editor for critique had been critiqued. Had I been using my brains for anything at all I would have waited until Saturday to read what was written. I did not. I read it in a state of emotional weakness - and I was quite devastated. I reacted poorly, and as a result I suspect they (the people who provided the critique) now believe (perhaps accurately) I am some kind of looney. The back and forth continued to Saturday. I posted what I expect will be my final comment on the matter to them at three this morning. If you are curious about the exchange you can go to Evil Editor (it's the only blog I am officially following right now) Face-Lift 566. They are all quite wonderful people.

I went to bed at three this morning. I woke just over six hours later to what I believed was the sound of thunder. It was the wind. The wind has been blowing in hard from the west today. About a half hour ago my son said he believed it has begun to snow. It has. Only fifteen minutes ago snow crystals filled the air, flying by at thirty miles per hour in what looks like some kind of mass panic. I am sitting here now listening to Mr. Lennon (John, not the Russian). The same seven songs are playing in sequence over and over. If you're curious, the songs are as follows:

Instant Karma (playing at the moment)
Whatever Gets You Through the Night
#9 Dream
Mind Games
Love
Imagine
Woman

This is hardly an extensive collection of John's music, but it is all I have - excluding some Beatles songs.

I miss John, which is odd considering I never met him. But I always had the sense John was searching for something, and he was murdered before he found it. I still remember hearing he had been shot. I felt literally sick. President Reagon was shot about the same time. I remember not giving a damn whether he lived or died.

Priorities. Who is important to us and who isn't? For me, a man capable of touching my spirit with music was far more important than a man who merely influenced my nation and the world around it. John had done something old Ronny could never do. I'm feeling nostalic again listening to the music. Music transcends time. Suddenly, I am so very much younger again. Stephen is alive. There is music and there is a future (#9 Dream is playing). What happened? Oh, God, what happened? Why did every dream wither and die? You said your thoughts for me were good and not evil.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lrod, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. Jeremiah 29:11-14 RSV

I know that was written to Israel many thousands of years ago, but you chose them to be a nation so we can see how you treat with all people everywhere. Is there nothing in that verse for me? It has not been seventy years, but it feels like such a long time. And now I have another mountain to cross. I am so weary. Give me strength to climb a little higher today. We'll worry about tomorrow later.